TV Quote of the Day (‘SNL,’ on Why Santa Might Have Been Watching the Show)

Michael Che [pictured]: “Now, you told me you wanted to share your Christmas wish list.”

Michael’s “12-year-old nephew,” Tyson [played by Kam Patterson]: “I sure do, but Uncle Che, do you think Santa is watching SNL?”

Michael: “I mean, I think Santa’s watching. He’s over 100 and white, so probably.”—Saturday Night Live, Season 50, Episode 9, original air date Dec. 20, 2025, “Weekend Update: Michael Che’s Nephew Threatens Santa” 

Quote of the Day (John Updike, on ‘A Man of No Plausible Address’ at Christmas)

“A man of no plausible address, with no apparent source for his considerable wealth, comes down the chimney after midnight while decent, law-abiding citizens are snug in their beds—is this not, at the least, cause for alarm?”—Pulitzer Prize-winning American novelist and short-story writer John Updike (1932-2009), The Twelve Terrors of Christmas (2006)

The accompanying image, of a man dressed as Santa Claus on his sleigh aboard a holiday train in Chicago, was taken on Nov. 23, 2012.

TV Quote of the Day (‘New Girl,’ As Jess Explains Her Feelings About Santa Claus)

Jess [played by Zooey Deschanel]: “I just believe things and go on believing them. If someone tells me a fat man's bringing me dolls every year, I just don't question it.”—New Girl, Season 2, Episode 11, “Santa,” original air date Dec. 11, 2012, teleplay by Luvh Rakhe, Kim Rosenstock, Rebecca Addelman, Christian Magalhaes, and Robert Snow, directed by Craig Zisk 

Quote of the Day (David Sedaris, on Waiting to See Santa at the Mall)

“Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they're not living in a democratic nation. People stand in line for two hours and they go over the edge.” — Comic essayist David Sedaris, “SantaLand Diaries” (1999)

TV Quote of the Day (‘The Simpsons,’ As Bart Expounds on ‘The True Meaning of Christmas’)

Bart Simpson (voice of Nancy Cartwright): “Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.”— The Simpsons, Season 9, Episode 10, “Miracle on Evergreen Terrace,” original air date Dec. 21, 1997, teleplay by Ron Hauge, directed by Bob Anderson

Joke of the Day (Jim Gaffigan, on Santa’s TV Appearances)

“Jeez, did Santa's agent turn down a single commercial?”—Stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan quoted in Eric Zorn, “The 9 Funniest People on Twitter (and a List of All the Finest Tweets of 2014),” Chicago Tribune, Jan. 1, 2015

Quote of the Day (Johnny Carson, Imagining 7-Year-Old William F. Buckley Writing Santa)

“December 1932: Dear Mr. Claus, I don't believe I would be disingenuous or resorting to tergiversation if l maintained that I have been a paradigm of meritorious behavior in the past year. I do not wish to expatiate on this entreaty ad nauseam, but I remain sanguine about your decision to accede to my request.—Admiringly, William Buckley.”—Johnny Carson, channeling a certain polysyllabic conservative pundit (pictured) and other future celebrities in “Recently Discovered Childhood Letters to Santa,” in Disquiet, Please!: More Humor Writing from The New Yorker, edited by David Remnick and Henry Finder (2008)

Quote of the Day (George Carlin, on the Motive for Santa’s Mirth)

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”—Attributed to comedian George Carlin (1937-2008)

(Photo of a young George Carlin, taken in concert at the Zembo Mosque, Harrisburg, Penn., by Kevin Armstrong.)