TV Quote of the Day (‘The Carol Burnett Show,’ As a Visiting Friend Disrupts Mama’s Family)

Thelma "Mama" Harper [played by Vicki Lawrence]: “It is people like her that are causing the downfall of this whole country. If I was your mother...”

Midge Gibson [played by Joanne Woodward, pictured right]: [interrupting] “Well, you are not my mother, Mrs. Harper, so I have no emotional objection to punching you right in the nose!”

Mama: “Are you going to let her talk to me like that, Eunice?”

Eunice Higgins [played by Carol Burnett, left]: “Go, go, go.”

Midge: “Now I have made many mistakes in my life, but I have never been deliberately malicious and cruel and if you're an example of decency, sister, thank God I'm indecent and you…”

[referring to and pointing at Ed, Eunice's husband]

Midge: “... you weren't so high and mighty in high school when you…you were in the back seat of that convertible with me on that double date with Gigi and—and—and you practically tore off my best sweater!”

Eunice: “Oh, Ed!”

Midge: “Yeah! I finally got away and after that, he ran after Gigi! Jim had to throw him out of the car! Oh, Eunice, I'm sorry.”

Eunice: “Oh, shoot. Who cares? I'm just surprised he ever had that much energy.”— The Carol Burnett Show, Season 9, Episode 21, “The Family” sketch, original air date Feb. 14, 1976, directed by Dave Powers

TV Quote of the Day (‘The Carol Burnett Show,’ As a Bragging Hubby is Quizzed by a Cop)

[Roger has been bragging to wife Carol and Sis about how he defended himself and then chased a mugger. A detective has come to their home to take Roger’s statement.]

Police Detective [played by William Conrad]: “Let me ask you this, if I may: How tall was the assailant?”

Roger [played by Harvey Korman, pictured] [glances back at Carol, nervously]: “How tall?”

Detective [looking up from writing in notebook]: “Yes, from the ground up, of course.”

Roger: “Uh…” [leaning over, whispering so Carol won’t hear]: “Five-three.”

Detective [taking more notes] [loudly]: “Assailant was five feet, three inches.”

Roger [grimacing as he looks at Carol, who now has a skeptical look on her face]: “Yeah, I’d say that was about it.”

Carol [played by Carol Burnett]: “Kung Fu strikes again!” [Makes karate-chop sign, frowning.]

Detective: “And how old would you say he was?”

Roger [standing up, angrily]: “Look, is all this necessary?”

Carol: “How old would you say he was?”

Roger: “Uh…uh…about sixty.”

Carol: “The big six-o!”

Roger: “Well, he was a wiry guy…looked dangerous.” [raises fists]

Carol: “You mean to say you chased a five-foot three, 60-year-old man a block and you couldn’t catch him?”

Roger: “Well, I almost had him. He hit me with his cane.”

[Carol walks away.]

Roger: “Where are you going?”

Carol: “I’m going into the bedroom. I just hate to laugh in front of company.”—The Carol Burnett Show, Season 6, Episode 23, “Carol and Sis” skit, original air date Mar. 17, 1973, directed by Dave Powers

TV Quote of the Day (‘The Carol Burnett Show,’ In Which a Certain Classic Movie Is Sent Up)

“I saw it in the window and I just couldn't resist it!" —“Starlet O'Hara” (played by Carol Burnett), wearing a “dress” she created from pulling down a drape, in “Went With the Wind” (a Gone With the Wind parody), in The Carol Burnett Show, Season 10, Episode 8, original air date November 13, 1976, written by Rick Hawkins and Liz Sage, directed by Dave Powers