Joke of the Day (Brian Kiley, on His Dad’s Cotton Allergy)

“My dad’s allergic to cotton. He has some pills for it, but he can’t get them out of the bottle.”—Stand-up comic Brian Kiley quoted by Melonie Magruder, “Comedy Review,” The Los Angeles Times, Nov. 4, 2009

Too bad pill bottles aren't this big!

Tweet of the Day (Brian Kiley, on How His Writing Teacher Views Him)

“My writing teacher told me she thinks I could be the next J.D. Salinger. She's encouraging me to stay out of the public eye for 50 years.”— @kileynoodles (comedian and Conan writer Brian Kiley), tweet of March 22, 2017

Quote of the Day (Comic Brian Kiley, on the Ideal Date for Sis)

“When my sister was in high school, she went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him ‘cause they figured any guy who took three hours to make a move was okay.”—Comedian Brian Kiley, quoted in “Laugh!”, Reader’s Digest, February 2010