Tuesday, December 27, 2022

TV Quote of the Day (‘The Jack Benny Program,’ As Jack Demands Top Service for His Money)

Jack Benny: “I’ll have a haircut.”

Harry, the Barber [played by Richard Deacon]: “Will you roll up your sleeves, please?”

Jack: “What? Roll up my sleeves for a haircut?”

Harry: “Don’t you want your Novocaine?”

Jack: “Don’t be so funny! Just give me a haircut.”

Harry: “Yes, sir.”

Jack [calling for the owner]: “Andre?”

Andre [played by Rolfe Sedan]: “Yes, Mr. Benny?”

Jack: “While I’m having a haircut, I’ll have a manicure, too.”

Andre: “A manicure? Certainly. I’ll get one of the girls.”

[Andre asks the trio of women in the shop, each of whom refuses.]

Andre [pleadingly]: “Now, girls, you’ve got to help me through this. Who took care of him last time?”

Helen: “I did. For a dollar and a half, I worked on his nails for an hour.”

Andre: “An hour for a manicure? Why so long?”

Helen: “When I got through with his nails, he took off his shoes.”— The Jack Benny Program, Season 11, Episode 4, “Jack’s Hong Kong Suit,” original air date Nov. 6, 1960, teleplay by Sam Perrin, George Balzer, Al Gordon, and Hal Goldman, directed by Frederick De Cordova

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