Movie Quote of the Day (The Three Stooges, in a Typical Moment)

Moe [played by Moe Howard]: “Now then, gentlemen: Remember your etiquette.”

[Slaps Larry and Curly]

Larry [played by Larry Fine]: “What's that for?”

Curly [played by Moe Howard]: “We didn't do nothin'!”

Moe: “That's in case you do when I'm not around.”— Hoi Polloi (1935 short starring The Three Stooges), screenplay by Felix Adler, based on a story by Adler and Helen Howard, directed by Del Lord

Moe Howard: The guy who truly put the "slap" in "slapstick."

Quote of the Day (S.J. Perelman, on a Dental Visit, or ‘Cuspid's Last Stand’)

“For years I have let dentists ride roughshod over my teeth: I have been sawed, hacked, chopped, whittled, bewitched, bewildered, tattooed, and signed on again; but this is cuspid's last stand. They’ll never get me into that chair again. I’ll dispose of my teeth as I see fit, and after they’re gone, I’ll get along. I started off living on gruel, and, by God, I can always go back to it again.” — American humorist and screenwriter S.J. Perelman (1904-1979), “Nothing But The Tooth,” in The Best of S.J. Perelman (1947)

With dentists like the crew pictured, can you blame the poor man?

(The image accompanying this post shows Moe, Larry and Curly—i.e., The Three Stooges—in one of their shorts.)

Movie Quote of the Day (The Three Stooges, With the Fine Art of Census-Taking)

Larry [played by Larry Fine]: “What does your husband do?”

Lucy Wyckoff [played by Jean Willes]: “He's an expert in legerdemain.”

Larry: “Legerdemain. Oh, a bookkeeper.”

Lucy: “No, he's a prestidigitator.”

Shemp [played by Shemp Howard]: “Oh, a pants presser?”

Moe [played by Moe Howard]: “Are you guys ignorant? Didn't you hear the lady say? He presses refrigerators.”

Shemp, Larry: “Oh!”

Lucy: “No, no, no. We do an illusion act in vaudeville. He's a magician. He makes things disappear.”

Shemp: “I got an uncle who can make things disappear.”

Moe: “Is he a magician?”

Shemp: “No, he's a kleptomaniac.”— Don't Throw That Knife (1951), screenplay by Felix Adler, directed by Jules White

I watched this short last week, just after I had filled out the 2020 Census questionnaire online. My response came, I must admit, after a card in the mail advised me of a personal visit at home from a representative of the Census Bureau if I didn’t reply immediately to the latest inquiry from Uncle Sam.

Now, I see that, due to the coronavirus outbreak, the Bureau wants a four-month delay in deadlines for its all-important head count. I imagine that the notion of getting up close and personal with millions of American citizens--with who knows how many infected by the disease?--was not what the army of census-takers signed up for.

Talking about what can "make things disappear"!

Movie Quote of the Day (The Three Stooges, on Their Medical Ability)

"We graduated with the highest temperatures in our class."—“Dr. Fine” (played by Larry Fine), summing up the academic prowess of the Three Stooges in medical school, in Men in Black (1934), story and screenplay by Felix Adler, directed by Ray McCarey

Contrary to what you might think upon seeing the title of this Three Stooges short, the trio had not made some sort of precursor of the Will Smith-Tommy Lee Jones blockbuster. More likely, the title was a parody of Men in White, the hit Sidney Kingsley Broadway play adapted in 1934 as a vehicle for “The King” of Hollywood, Clark Gable.

Movie Quote of the Day (The Three Stooges, Demonstrating the Value of a Dental Visit)

Shemp (played by Shemp Howard): (to the patient) “Are you comfortable?”

Patient (played by Slim Gaut): (sitting up as Moe takes some dental equipment out of his mouth) “No!”

(Moe—played by Moe Howard--slams the patient back down.)

Moe: “Who asked ya?”— The Tooth Will Out (1951), written and directed by Edward Bernds