Tweet of the Day (‘MichaelTrying,’ on the Results of a New Year’s Exercise Program)

“I finally have the body I want after a rigorous six-month program of lowering my expectations.”--@MichaelTrying,” quoted in Eric Zorn, “Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk! A Dozen Finalists for Tweet of the Week,” Chicago Tribune, Oct. 10, 2017

Film fans may remember the fellow in the accompanying image as Dave (played by Mark Addy) in the 1997 British comedy The Full Monty.

Trust me: you don’t want to see any more of him than what is revealed here. Suffice it to say, Dave really had to “lower his expectations” for the desperate but uproariously confidence-boosting act he and his friends resorted to!

Tweet of the Day (RYGdance, With an Unusual Autocorrection)

“Autocorrect just turned ‘Think of others for a change’ into ‘Think of otters for a change,’ and now I agree that’s a better solution.”— redyellowgreendance@RYGdance, tweet of Mar. 4, 2024

The image accompanying this post of two North American river otters was taken at the San Francisco Zoo on Aug. 29, 2005, by Dmitry Azovtsev.

Tweet of the Day (meghan@deloisivete, on Faxing)

“My mom asked what my office does for faxing since we're completely remote, so I had to tell her we're actually located in 2024.”— meghan@deloisivete, tweet of July 2, 2024

The image accompanying this post—a Panasonic Thermotransfer Fax KX-F90 with integrated answering machine and telephone, beginning of 1990s—was taken Jan. 14, 2006, by Pittigrilli.

Tweet of the Day (Elizabeth Hackett, on How She Expresses Annoyance With Her Hubby)

“Instead of telling my husband I'm annoyed with him, I'm just gonna put strawberries in a salad.”—Screenwriter Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett), tweet of May 24, 2020

Tweet of the Day (Stephen Colbert, on a Selection for His Book Club)

“Join cOlbert's Book Club and read THE GREAT GATSBY by 5/9. I don't want to give too much away, but it's a book.”—Late-night talk show host Stephen Colbert, Apr. 26, 2013 tweet

I say read F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic by 4/10, the centennial of its publication. It won’t take you long, and you definitely won’t regret it!

Tweet of the Day (Mo Rocca, on Pundit Pedagogy)

“Question about pundit qualifications: Do the chattering classes actually take chattering classes?”— American humorist, journalist, and actor Mo Rocca, tweet of July 2, 2024

Tweet of the Day (@mommajessiec, on Her Hubby’s Tragic Error)

“Prayers for my husband who very tragically got me nothing for our anniversary when I specifically told him I wanted nothing for our anniversary.” —@mommajessiec, tweet of Sept. 27, 2020

Tweet of the Day (Taylor Kay Phillips, on the Phrase ‘Just So I Understand…’)

“Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with ‘Just so I understand…’”— Emmy-Award winning writer and comedian Taylor Kay Phillips, tweet of May 15, 2023

Tweet of the Day (Simon Sinek, on Dog People Versus Cat People)

“The difference between dog people and cat people: dog people wish their dogs were people. Cat people wish they were cats.”— English-born American author and inspirational speaker Simon Sinek, tweet of June 23, 2018

The image accompanying this post shows French actress Simone Simon in the 1942 horror classic Cat People, about a young woman who turns into a panther when stricken by jealousy. Now that’s taking this whole cat thing a bit too far, wouldn’t you say?

Tweet of the Day (Kimmy Monte, on an Unexpected Business Failure)

“My glass coffin company ‘Remains to be Seen’ is not doing as well as I thought it would.”—@ KimmyMonte, tweet of Sept. 29, 2022

Tweet of the Day (Erica (@SCbchbum), on a Real Relationship-Killer)

“I knew it would never work out between us when he asked if I wanted to split dessert.” — Erica (@SCbchbum), tweet of Sept. 25, 2016

One look at this photo and I know just what you're thinking about Erica's doomed suitor: How dare he! Oh, the temerity!

Tweet of the Day (Joel Ingersoll, on Retail Printer Ink)

“I’ve crunched the numbers and it’s cheaper to start your own octopus farm than to buy retail printer ink.”— “@FlyoverJoel (i.e., Joel Ingersoll), tweet of Apr 3, 2013

Tweet of the Day (Andy Richter, on Getting Christmas Lights Out of the Garage)

“Every year when I get the Christmas lights out of the garage I am struck by how little respect last year’s me has for this year’s me.”— American actor, writer, comedian, and late- night talk-show announcer Andy Richter, tweet of Dec. 12, 2021

Tweet of the Day (Greg Schindler, Imagining ‘The Breakfast Club’ Remade)

“If The Breakfast Club were made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phones.”—Greg Schindler (twitter handle: schwindizzle), tweet of Jan. 9, 2015

Don't you forget about me. Unless, that is, you're thinking about how to respond to the latest text message  you got...

Tweet of the Day (Pete Lynch, on Vacation Bible School)

“ ‘Vacation Bible School’ is a phrase that gets less exciting for kids as each word is introduced.”—" @PJTLynch” (i.e., humorist Pete Lynch), tweet of July 16, 2017

At this time of year, that prospect recedes for millions of kids. But any exhalation of relief is short-lived because of what will soon replace it: real school. And no vacation.

Tweet of the Day (Comic Sophia Benoit, on the Von Trapp Kids)

“No offense to the Von Trapps but if I go to a lavish party and seven kids just start singing about how they have to go to bed, I’m using that time to refill my drink.”—Comic Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad), tweet of Oct. 27, 2021

Tweet of the Day (Conan O’Brien, on an Undesired Obit Detail)

“Decided that the one phrase I do not want in my obituary is, ‘died before his Botox doctor could revive him.’"—Former late-night talk-show host Conan O’Brien, tweet of Dec. 1, 2012

Tweet of the Day (Cadaea, on the Upteenth Entry in the ‘Fast and Furious’ Franchise)

“The tenth Fast and Furious movie should be called Fast 10: Your Seatbelts.”—London-based Twitch streamer Cadaea, tweet of July 11, 2017

Tweet of the Day (Laura Benanti, on Fantasy Football)

“If I ever say the words ‘my fantasy football team,’ just know it is code for ‘I've been kidnapped please help me.’"—American singer-actress Laura Benanti, tweet of Aug. 29, 2013

The image accompanying this post shows Ms. Benanti during the curtain call for the Radio City Music Hall New York Spring Spectacular. It was taken Mar. 22, 2015, by slgckgc.

Tweet of the Day (Anne Theriault, on a Child’s Eating Preferences)

“9yo didn’t want to try my lemon loaf, but when I rebranded it as ‘lemonade cake’ he was interested.” — Toronto-based writer Anne Theriault, tweet of Apr. 24, 2020