Joke of the Day (Rita Rudner, on Prime Male Candidates for Marriage)

“Men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage—they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”—American stand-up comic Rita Rudner quoted by Lawrence Christon, in “Comedy Review: Rita Rudner Is Svelte, Pretty, Original American Princess,” Los Angeles Times, Feb. 5, 1988

Quote of the Day (Comic Rita Rudner, on Math and Marriage)

“I’ve never been good with math, 
but I accepted it from an early age. My teacher would hand me a math test, and I’d just write, ‘I’m going to marry someone who can do this.’” —Stand-up comic Rita Rudner, quoted in “Laugh Lines: Class Clowns,” Reader’s Digest, September 2015

Quote of the Day (Rita Rudner, on Getting Lost)

“I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.”—Stand-up comic Rita Rudner, “Quotes,” in Reader’s Digest, September 2011

Quote of the Day (Rita Rudner, on Daydreaming)

“I’ve been doing a lot of traveling lately. Not for pleasure. Just for work. Because I don’t travel for pleasure. I daydream so much I’m not here half the time. Be a waste of money for me to go someplace; I would be someplace else…Doesn’t matter. I’ve gotten so good at daydreaming, sometimes I come back with a tan.”—Stand-up comic Rita Rudner, quoted in Phil Berger, The Last Laugh: The World of Stand-Up Comics, Updated Edition (2000)

Quote of the Day (Rita Rudner, on “The Most Boring Office Job in the World”)

“I had the most boring office job in the world—I used to clean the windows on envelopes.”—Rita Rudnick quoted in Reader’s Digest, September 2009