“Anna
Franco.” Oh, boy. An outrageous premise that could only come from the man who
imagined a Seinfeld episode involving a date during the showing of Schindler’s
List.
(This image of the creator of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm was taken at the 2009 Tribeca Film Festival by David Shankbone.)
Cheryl [played by Cheryl
Hines]: “You can't call my doctor on the weekends, unless it's a life-threatening
emergency.”
Larry: “What?”
Cheryl: “Yeah, if you
call his machine, it'll tell you you can't page him.”
Larry: “You called up
and that's what it said?”
Cheryl: “Yeah.”
Larry: “That is
obscene, you know that?” [imitating the doctor] " ‘Can't disturb
the doctor on the weekend! Don't call Dr. Zeppler on the weekend unless it's
life-threatening!’"
Cheryl: “Okay, okay.”
Larry [imitates the
doctor's wife]: " ‘Norman, is someone calling? Who's calling? We're in
the middle of dinner, Norman!’"
Cheryl: “Larry…”
Larry: "‘This
better be life-threatening or you're not gonna leave this house!’"
Cheryl: “Larry, please.
I'm begging you!”
Larry: "‘Norman! Unless they were burned in a fire I don't want you getting up from your chair. Do you understand, Norman?’"—Curb Your Enthusiasm, Season 1, Episode 9, “Affirmative Action,” original air date Dec. 10, 2000, teleplay by Larry David, directed by Bryan Gordon
Cheryl [played by Cheryl
Hines]: “Can we turn on the radio?”
Larry: “Oh, he's gonna
be very proud of Larry figuring out the navigation system!”
Cheryl: “Please!”
Larry: "‘Daddy,
I'm not so stupid!’"—Curb Your Enthusiasm, Season 1, Episode 9, “Affirmative Action,” original air date Dec. 10, 2000, teleplay by Larry David, directed
by Bryan Gordon
I came across this quote and the larger article from
which it comes a couple of days after the series finale of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I bet that James Kaplan never thought that the
subject of his profile, Larry David, expected his show to conclude a
full two decades later.
The factors that Kaplan points out did make the show unusual, and, indeed, account for much of the devoted audience it built over the years.
But, I would argue, David’s series only follows in the footsteps of Garry
Shandling’s talk-show parody, The Larry Sanders Show, in what I have
heard called a “neuroticon.”
This mini-genre follows, documentary-style, a
prominent figure in TV comedy—or, rather, his highly exaggerated alter
ego—through his self-absorbed, often self-defeating, private life—or, as Kaplan
puts it, “routinely managing to annoy or infuriate everyone around him.”
That protagonist interacts with equally exaggerated
versions of real-life celebrities who frequently are the star’s friends. The
main character eventually irritates his long-suffering wife enough that she
grows tired of his antics and divorces him.
Given the public attention and affluence that have
come to David over the last 35 years, it was a surprise for me to read, in
Kaplan’s profile, that, before Seinfeld was picked up, David was “a
standup comic in trouble...middle-aged, single, living in a building with
subsidized housing for artists on the West Side of Manhattan, and just scraping
up.”
Every time he took the stage as a stand-up comedian,
David told Kaplan, he was “taking my life in my hands…Every time I went up, I
thought I was putting my life on the line.”
It didn’t get any better with the pitch that David and
friend Jerry Seinfeld made to NBC executives for what became Seinfeld.
Whatever these suits were feeling about the proposed star, “they would have
gotten rid of me without even thinking about it,” David remembered.
Believe it or not, in a viewing habit similar to The
Larry Sanders Show, I only began to watch David’s HBO sitcom after it had
concluded filming. Now, I am finding out what I missed over 12 seasons and
nearly a quarter-century—and, through streaming, have gotten a close relative
to do likewise.
Many longtime viewers will cherish moments from this comedy
of cringe for a long, long time from now, as Abby Alten Schwartz explains in
this February article from The Huffington Post.
Larry David [played
by Larry David] [grinning]: “Even with the whole affirmative action
thing?”
[Prolonged, awkward silence, then…]
Dr. Grambs
[played by Gregg Daniel] [incredulously, glancing quizzically at
Richard, then back to Larry]: “I'm sorry. I beg your pardon, what?”
Richard: “Yeah, what do
you mean?”
Larry: “It was a joke.”
Dr. Grambs:
“What do you mean, ‘The whole affirmative action thing?’”
Larry [protesting
more insistently]: “No, no, no.”
Dr. Grambs
[to Richard]” “Who is this guy?”
Richard: “It was a joke.
He's like a buddy. I know him, he's a sweetheart.”
Dr. Grambs:
“The implication being that I wasn't good enough to be a dermatologist?”
Richard: “No, come on, it
was a joke. He's a liberal, he's like you and me.”
Dr. Grambs [to
Larry]: “So, if I wasn't black, you would have said the same
thing, or not?” [To Richard] “Do you see my point?”
Richard: “I see it in a
historical sense, but not in a nice-day sense.”
Dr. Grambs:
“You know, Richard, I've worked too hard and too long at this. I can't do it. I
don't know what his trip is, but I can't do it. “
Larry: “I don't have
any trip! No, it was a joke!”
[Dr. Grambs resumes jogging, waving them off.]
Richard [to
Larry]: “Holy s--t! What hit you?”
Larry: “It was a joke.”
Richard: “I know it's a
joke, but you sounded... Christ, like Pat Buchanan's gym partner.”
Larry: “I was just trying to be affable.”—Curb Your Enthusiasm, Season 1, Episode 9, “Affirmative Action,” original air date Dec. 10, 2000, teleplay by Larry David, directed by Bryan Gordon
Shoe Thief [played
by Joe Liss]: “Thanks.”
Larry:
“I think they're mine.”
Shoe Thief:
“You're kidding.”
Larry:
“Kidding? No, they're my shoes.”
Shoe Thief:
“They're your shoes?”
Larry:
“Yeah.”
Shoe Thief:
“How could they be your shoes?”
Larry:
“How could they be? Because that guy gave them to you by mistake the other day.”
Shoe Thief:
“Well, that's weird.”
Larry:
“What? What's weird?”
Shoe Thief:
“That he would give me those shoes.”
Larry:
“No, that's not weird. What's weird is that you would put them on. That's
what's weird.”
Shoe Thief:
“Aw, you mean it's not weird that he would give me these shoes?”
Larry:
“No, that's a mistake.”
Shoe Thief:
“They're not my shoes and he gave them to me.”
Larry:
“Yeah, that's a mistake. That's an honest mistake. What's weird is that you
would take shoes that don't belong to you and put them on. That's weird.”
Shoe Thief:
“Or even weirder that you left without even your shoes.”
Larry:
“That's not that weird, I had nothing else to wear.”
Shoe Thief:
“Well, that would be kinda weird.”
Larry:
“No, that's gonna be weird for you now after I get the shoes back. That'll
be weird.”—Curb Your Enthusiasm, Season 1, Episode 2, “Ted and Mary,”
original air date Oct. 22, 2000, teleplay by Larry David, directed by David
Steinberg
It's good to know that David was kidding when talking
to this reporter. Because otherwise, after reading the above, you wouldn’t be
surprised to find out that David’s wife later divorced him—though it’s even
more surprising to learn that a) it took her another nine years to do so, and
b) another woman ended up marrying the real-life inspiration for George
Costanza (AND Bernie Sanders double) three years ago.
(This image of the creator of Seinfeld, Curb
Your Enthusiasm—and Broadway’s Fish in the Dark—was taken at the
2009 Tribeca Film Festival by David Shankbone.)
(This image of the creator of Seinfeld, Curb
Your Enthusiasm—and Broadway’s Fish in the Dark—was taken at the
2009 Tribeca Film Festival by David Shankbone.)
"I don't have a super PAC. I don't even have a
backpack."—Presidential candidate “Bernie Sanders” (played by an uncredited Larry David, pictured here), on Saturday Night Live, Season 41, Episode 3, original air date
Oct. 17, 2015 
