Tweet of the Day (‘Wendy S.,’ on Her Little Girl’s School Assignment)

 “My six year old's school assignment was to draw a challenge she thought she could overcome. So she drew herself teaching me how to use the TV remote.”—“Midwest Minivan Mom” Wendy S. (@maughammon) on Twitter, quoted in “Life in These United States,” Reader’s Digest, September 2017

I can relate!

Quote of the Day (Bret Stephens, on Twitter as ‘Political Pornography’)

“Twitter is the political pornography of our time, revealing but distorting, exciting but dulling, debasing to its users, and, well, ejaculatory. It’s bad for the soul and, as Donald Trump proves daily, bad for the country.”— Bret Stephens, “How Twitter Pornified Politics,” The New York Times, June 24, 2017

Keep in mind that Stephens wrote this before President Trump went off—for two days running!—on MCNBC’s Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski, and before he tweeted a video of him wrestling CNN to the ground. With each tweet, Trump—like a pornography user—feels increasingly bored and must push on to something even more transgressive. Where will it end?

Quote of the Day (Tim Burton, on the 3 T’s He Doesn’t Do)

“I don’t text, I don’t tweet, I don’t twerk.”—Film director Tim Burton quoted in “Party Lines,” New York Magazine, Jan. 12-25, 2013

Quote of the Day (Helen Mirren, Likening Social Media to ‘A Stinky Old Pub’)

“It reminds me of a stinky old pub. In the corner would be this slightly disgusting old man who sits there all day, every day. If you went up and talked to him, you’d get the kind of grumpy, horrible, moldy, old meaningless crap that you read on Twitter.” — Actress Helen Mirren, quoted in David Hochman, “A Wise and Witty Dame,” AARP: The Magazine, June/July 2014

Bonus Quote of the Day (Jose Canseco, on ‘Dragon Blood’)

“I do not smell like dragon blood and immortality.”—Former steroids-enhanced baseball slugger Jose Canseco, May 18, 2013 tweet

No dragon  blood. Got it.

But what about tiger blood? And if you have this, Jose, does this make you kin to Charlie Sheen? (Both of you did take steroids. You, very famously, wrote a whole book about it; Charlie admitted his use, more than 20 years after the fact, in this account on Huffington Post, that he had juiced up to add some extra realism to his role as "Wild Thing" in Major League.)

The reason why I ask: Your (mis)use of social media has already given you both a dubious form of immortality.

(Photograph of Jose Canseco from January 2009 taken by Glenn Francis.)

Quote of the Day (Ellen Barkin, on Her “PR Peeps”)

“Wow, heavy duty response. I love my muthaf***in PR peeps, but you know what? They can go f*** their muthaf***in PR selves. I’m flyin’ now.”—Actress Ellen Barkin, reporting the results of her Twitter followers when she asked them how she should respond to her PR team’s suggestion that she limit herself to “1 f--- a day” on her tweets, quoted in “Tweetin’,Cursin’, Barkin,’” The Daily, October 19, 2011

Can you think of a more thankless task than restraining the Sea of Love actress? Especially when, as she says, she's "flyin' now"?

Quote of the Day (Hugh Hefner, Showing How Time Flies)

“I'm now a Twitter bug. When I was a kid, I was a jitter bug.”—Playboy founder and codger-in-chief Hugh Hefner, on the hobby he developed after receiving an iPad from current girlfriend Crystal Harris, on CNN Larry King Live, July 22, 2010