Quote of the Day (Joe Queenan, on a Natural Offshoot of Self-Driving Vehicles)

“Self-driving smartphones. People are constantly complaining about the growing size and bulkiness of smartphones—and about misplacing them. Self-driving will eliminate those problems for good. With autonomous cellular vehicular technology, there’s no reason that a smartphone can’t be the size of a suitcase. Great for the near-sighted and way more fun when watching YouTube videos of amusing cats. And you couldn’t lose it, because it would always be hot on your heels.”—Columnist Joe Queenan, “Moving Targets: We’ve Only Just Begun With Self-Driving Stuff,” The Wall Street Journal, Jan. 27-28, 2018

Elon Musk might have an easier time inventing and marketing this from scratch than he's now with fixing Twitter—including his self-inflicted damage since taking over.

Tweet of the Day (James Breakwell, on His Smartphone’s Autocorrect Function)

“I tried to say, ‘I'm a functional adult,’ but my phone changed it to ‘fictional adult,’ and I feel like that's more accurate.”—“Exploring Unicorn” (i.e., comedy writer James Breakwell), tweet of Dec. 9, 2017

Tweet of the Day (Bill Murray, on Smartphones)

“I’ll call it a smartphone the day I yell ‘Where’s my phone?’ and it yells ‘Down here! In the couch cushions!’”—Comedian-actor Bill Murray, tweet of Dec. 19, 2015

Quote of the Day (Calvin Trillin, on Why ‘All Thumbs’ Is Losing Meaning)

“I noticed the teenager, who was sitting across from me, texting with blinding speed. As his thumbs danced over the tiny screen, I realized that ‘all thumbs’ cannot much longer mean clumsy with one's hands. And I realized how much I’m going to miss it. It has always seemed to me a way of noting a deficit without being vicious about it — a description of the bumbling sitcom dad who tries to fiddle with a circuit breaker and plunges the entire house into darkness. But how can that man be labeled all thumbs if the teenager sitting across from me can use his thumbs on his smartphone fast enough to take dictation from a cattle auctioneer?”— Calvin Trillin, “Essay: Unplanned Obsolescence,” The New York Times Book Review, Dec. 31, 2017

(Photo of Calvin Trillin taken at a discussion at Dartmouth College, February 2011.)