TV Quote of the Day (‘Parks and Recreation,’ on Names and ‘Getting a Little Chummy’)

Ron Swanson [played by Nick Offerman]: "Ann was getting a little chummy. When people get a little too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them."— Parks and Recreation, Season 4, Episode 3, “Born and Raised,” original air date Oct. 6, 2011, teleplay by Greg Daniels, Michael Schur, and Aisha Muharrar, directed by Dean Holland

That, folks, is a unique method for throwing shade.

TV Quote of the Day (‘The Office,’ As Michael Comes Up with a ‘Celebrity Couple Name’)

Michael Scott [played by Steve Carell]: “Phyllis and Bob: their celebrity couple name would be Phlob.” — The Office, Season 3, Episode 15, “Phyllis' Wedding,” original air date Feb 8, 2007, teleplay by Caroline Williams, directed by Ken Whittingham

Quote of the Day (Conrad Aiken, on Seeking an Elusive Word or Name)

“You know, without my telling you, how sometimes
     A word or name eludes you, and you seek it
     Through running ghosts of shadow,—leaping at it,
     Lying in wait for it to spring upon it,
     Spreading faint snares for it of sense or sound:
     Until, of a sudden, as if in a phantom forest,
     You hear it, see it flash among the branches,
     And scarcely knowing how, suddenly have it.”— American Pulitzer Prize-winning poet, short-story writer, novelist, and critic Conrad Aiken (1889-1973), The House of Dust: A Symphony (1920)

Quote of the Day (Marilyn Hacker, on Why We Should ‘Be Mindful of Names’)

“Be mindful of names. They’ll etch themselves

like daily specials on the window glass

in a delible medium. They’ll pass

transformed, erased, a cloud the wind dissolves

above the ruckus of the under-twelves

on the slide, the toddlers on the grass,

the ragged skinny guy taking a piss

in the bushes, a matron tanning her calves

on a bench, skirt tucked around her knees.”—American poet, translator and critic Marilyn Hacker, “Names,” in The New Yorker, Sept. 22, 2008

TV Quote of the Day (‘Seinfeld,’ As 'Cosmo' Kramer Thinks About Naming A Kid of His Own)

“If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer.” — Kramer (played by Michael Richards) on Seinfeld, Season 4, Episode 22, “The Handicap Spot,” original air date May 13, 1993, teleplay by Larry David, directed by Tom Cherones

Quote of the Day (Jimmy Fallon, on Starbucks’ New Drink)

“Starbucks is coming out with a Chestnut Praline Latte. Sounds less like a drink and more like a stripper giving her full name.” —Jimmy Fallon, October 28, 2014 tweet

Quote of the Day (Diablo Cody, on Living in a ‘Very Bad Part of Town’)

“If you live in a very bad part of town, don't make things worse for your kid by naming her Sloopy.”— Diablo Cody, Oscar-winning screenwriter (Juno), July 14, 2014 tweet

Quote of the Day (Jared Diamond, on the ‘Zoo of Flushing’)

“The Mets have six major-league caliber players on their roster with surnames that sound suspiciously like the name of an animal. The Zoo of Flushing has a flock of birds (pitchers Tim BYRDak and LaTroy HAWKins), woodland creatures (catcher John BUCK), domesticated farm animals (outfielder Collin COWgill) and even the king of the jungle (pitcher Brandon LYON). They also have outfielder Marlon Byrd, who is essentially a flying fish.”—Jared Diamond, “Baseball's Animal House,” The Wall Street Journal, March 9, 2013

It’s a good thing that Diamond pre-emptively cops to Cowgill’s quote in the article that “You'd have to have a lot of time on your hands to come up with that." By logic similar to the one used here, the sportswriter’s surname should qualify him as a member of a major financial concern. No such luck, I guess!