TV Quote of the Day (‘Frasier,’ As Niles Lists His Wife Maris’s Food Restrictions)

Niles Crane [played by David Hyde Pierce]: “Just remember that she can't have shellfish... poultry, red meat, saturated fats, nitrates, wheat, starch, sulfites, MSG, or dairy. Did I say nuts?”

Frasier Crane [played by Kelsey Grammer] [smirking]: “Oh, I think that's implied.” —Frasier, Season 1, Episode 17, “A Mid-Winter Night's Dream,” original air date Feb. 10, 1994, teleplay by Chuck Ranberg and Anne Flett-Giordano, directed by David Lee

TV Quote of the Day (‘Frasier,’ on What Qualifies Him to Run for Condo Board Prez)

[Frasier has decided to run for president of his condo board.]

Niles Crane [played by David Hyde Pierce]: “Surely you're not actually thinking of running? You've never held an elective office in your life!”

Frasier Crane [played by Kelsey Grammer]: “Are you forgetting I served two terms back in high school as Grand Panjandrum of the Vocabulary Club?”—Frasier, Season 4, Episode 11, “Three Days of the Condo,” original air date Jan. 21, 1997, teleplay by Michael B. Kaplan, directed by David Lee

Oh, who could forget that?

TV Quote of the Day (‘Frasier,’ As the Crane Brothers Weigh Filling in During an Emergency)

[An ailing Frasier suggests to his brother Niles that he fill in for him on his psychiatry advice radio call-in show.]

Dr. Niles Crane [played by David Hyde Pierce]: “Frasier, I think that fever of yours is making you delusional.”

Dr. Frasier Crane [played by Kelsey Grammer]: “Oh, no! I filled in for you when you were too sick to meet with your ‘Fear of Intimacy’ group!”

Niles [heading into the bathroom]: “I wasn't sick. They were just getting too close.”—Frasier, Season 1, Episode 23, “Frasier Crane's Day Off,” original air date May 12, 1994, teleplay by Chuck Ranberg and Anne Flett-Giordano, directed by James Burrows

TV Quote of the Day (‘Frasier,’ As the Radio Shrink Finally Loses It)

Dr. Frasier Crane [played by Kelsey Grammer] [delirious and drugged-up, returning to the station]: “Hello, Seattle, I'm back! This is Dr. Frasier Crane. I promise I will never leave you again. So, let's take our first caller. Hello, I'm listening.”

Robert [voice of Tommy Hilfiger]: “Hi, Dr. Crane. Thanks for taking my call. I'm a little nervous, okay? My name is Robert.”

Frasier: “And your name is...?”

Robert: “My name is Robert.”

Frasier: “Oh, I'm sorry. We've already had a Robert on the show today. Goodbye!” [disconnects him]

Roz Doyle [played by Peri Gilpin] [on the office phone]: “Tony, it's Roz. Could you get security up here? Captain Kirk's got control of the bridge and he's gone insane.” —Frasier, Season 1, Episode 23, “Frasier Crane's Day Off,” original air date May 12, 1994, teleplay by Chuck Ranberg and Anne Flett-Giordano, directed by James Burrows

TV Quote of the Day (‘Frasier,’ As Our Hero Is Distracted)

Dr. Frasier Crane [played by Kelsey Grammer]: “Dad! Dad! I can't read my paper! Eddie keeps staring at me!”

Martin Crane [played by John Mahoney]: “Just ignore him.”

Frasier: “I'm trying to!”

Martin: “I'm talking to the dog!”— Frasier, Season 1, Episode 2, “Space Quest,” original air date Sept. 23, 1993, teleplay by Sy Dukane and Denise Moss, directed by James Burrows

TV Quote of the Day (‘Frasier,’ As Our Hero Resists a Blind Date—Until…)

[Martin Crane is setting son Frasier up with friend Duke's daughter Marie.]

Martin [played by John Mahoney]: “Duke said she's grown into a real looker.”

Frasier [played by Kelsey Grammer]: “Yes, well I have seen Duke, and unless he sired a love child with Catherine Deneuve, I don't like my odds.”

[In comes Marie.]

Marie [played by Teri Hatcher]: “Uncle Martin!”

Martin: “Oh, Marie! Look at you! You remember Frasier.”

Frasier: “Bonjour!”—Frasier, Season 6, Episode 5, “First Do No Harm,” original air date Oct. 29, 1998, teleplay by Jordan Hawley and William Schifrin, directed by Sheldon Epps

TV Quote of the Day (‘Frasier,’ in Which He Gloats and Niles Mopes)

Dr. Niles Crane [played by David Hyde Pierce]: “I suppose you came over here to gloat because a woman came onto you?”

Dr. Frasier Crane [played by Kelsey Grammer]: “Not hardly, I wouldn't do that sort of thing. I came over here to gloat because two women came onto me!”

Niles: “Two?”

Frasier: “My God, I've never had a night like this in my entire life! I'm a babe magnet, I'm catnip!”

Niles: “I think I feel a fur ball coming up.”—Frasier, Season 4, Episode 19, “Three Dates and a Breakup,” original air date Apr. 29, 1997, teleplay by David Angell, Peter Casey, and David Lee, directed by Jeff Melman

TV Quote of the Day (‘Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,’ on a Major Source of Fancy Sentences)

“That's the fanciest sentence I've ever heard, and I used to watch Frasier."— Kimmy Schmidt (played by Ellie Kemper), in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 1, Episode 2, “Kimmy Gets a Job!,” original air date Mar. 6, 2015, teleplay by Sam Means, directed by Tristram Shapeero     

Guess what? Kimmy’s going to add to her treasure trove of highfalutin language. Seventeen years after signing off on his gig as a Seattle radio psychiatrist, Frasier Crane will be contributing more pearls of wisdom, in a “reboot” of the sitcom that will help anchor ViacomCBS's new streaming service Paramount+.

Kelsey Grammer (pictured here with an actor equally adept with allusion-heavy dialogue, David Hyde Pierce as younger brother Niles) will step into his Emmy-winning role for the 21^st season. This will break the tie he set when leaving the show with James Arness (as Gunsmoke’s Matt Dillon) for playing the longest-running character in primetime TV (a record since broken by Richard Belzer and Mariska Hargitay on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit).

You have to ask what is leading Grammer to take up his career-defining role again. Is he short of money? Just antsy after so long in COVID-enforced isolation? Over the years, he has tried valiantly to escape typecasting on the tube and onstage, in performances well-received (Boss) and panned (a disastrous 13-performance Broadway revival of Macbeth 21 years ago). After so much time, is he finally saying the heck with the struggle?

The great risk is this: to what extent can he bring together the talents that made his spinoff of Cheers such a success—not just the wonderful supporting cast, but also the directors and writers (you know—the creators of those pretentious, persnickety lines that Kimmy remembers so vividly)?

This last factor is a far greater risk than what one might expect. Even the hugely talented Peter Falk had an extremely difficult time when he returned to Columbo more than a decade after finishing the series in the Seventies. Most fans would agree that the second incarnation of the show was inferior to the original, largely because of often lackluster scripts.

Oh, well. As a worshipper of Shakespeare, Frasier (and Grammar) will undoubtedly say: “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.” Let's just hope he won't follow up, several unsuccessful episodes later, with "You can't go home again."

TV Quote of the Day (‘Frasier,’ As Our Hero Calls in a Big Favor on Little Bro)

[Niles Crane refuses to sub as radio shrink during his brother Frasier’s vacation.]

Frasier Crane [played by Kelsey Grammer] [haughtily]: “Very well. You leave me no alternative but to call in my marker.”

Niles Crane [played by David Hyde Pierce] [nervously]: “What marker?”

Frasier [lowering his voice threateningly]: “Oh, I think you know.”

Niles [gasping]: “You wouldn't!”

Frazier: “I would!”

Niles: “You can't!”

Frasier: “I will!”

Niles: “That was three years ago.”

Frasier: “I don't recall there being any statute of limitations. I distinctly recall that when you asked me to go out with Maris's sister, you said that you would ‘owe me one forever.’"

Niles: “But you only spent one evening with Brie. That hardly compares with what you're asking me to endure.”

Frasier: “Oh? Shall I refresh your memory? Midway through the opera, her ermine muff began to tremble. As it turned out, she had used it to smuggle in her adorably incontinent Chihuahua. Just as I thought we'd reached the low point of the evening, I suddenly felt a sandpaper tongue licking my earlobe. Alas, it did not belong to little Herve! Fortunately, my shriek coincided with the on-stage murder of Gondolfo!”— Frasier, Season 4, Episode 5, “Head Game,” original air date Nov. 12, 1996, teleplay by Rob Greenberg, directed by David Lee

TV Quote of the Day (‘Frasier,’ on an Especially Aggressive Agent)

[The Crane boys are discussing Frasier’s agent, Bebe.]

Dr. Niles Crane [played by David Hyde Pierce]: “You're still consorting with that barracuda?”

Dr. Frasier Crane [played by Kelsey Grammer ]: “Well, a barracuda is what you want in an agent, Niles. Well, it's just that the station's been sold, I was hoping she might have some scuttlebutt on the new owner. I must admit she's rather hard to get a hold of these days.”

Niles: “Oh really? I thought one just drew a pentagram on the floor and chanted ‘I summon thee’ three times.”—Frasier, Season 3, Episode 21, “Where There's Smoke, There's Fired,” original air date Apr. 30, 19967, teleplay by Joe Keenan, directed by Philip Charles MacKenzie

An interesting photo, by the way, of the boys in their favorite coffee shop--a venue that many of us will be missing for a long, long time to come, given the ravages of the coronavirus.

TV Quote of the Day (‘Frasier,’ in Which Niles Gets Prematurely High)

[Niles Crane mistakenly thinks he’s eaten a pot brownie.]

Niles Crane [played by David Hyde-Pierce]: “Aren't you going to ask me what's up?”

Frasier Crane [played by Kelsey Grammer]: “Didn't intend to, no.”

Niles: “I'd like you to.”

Frasier: “All right.  What's up?”

Niles: [gleefully] “I am.  I'm as high as the Himalayas!  If I were a city in Germany, I'd be High-delburg!  Is Dad home yet?”

Frasier: “No.”

Niles: “I'll use this opportunity to up my dosage.”

[He takes out the remainder of the "pot brownie," and eats another small piece.]

Frasier: “Oh, Niles!  You realize that this is illegal?  Did you actually drive yourself here?”

Niles: “I'm a little too toasted for that, Frasier.  No, the minute I knew I was getting baked tonight, I called a cab.  And I printed my name and address on a card in my pocket in case I'm still too crispy to speak to the cab driver taking me home.”

Frasier: “I judge by all this rich terminology that you've done some research?”

Niles: “Yes, I know all the symptoms I can expect to experience.  I'm especially looking forward to something called the ‘munchies’ stage.  It's where one enjoys bizarre food combinations. [opens the shopping bag he's carrying] I'm thinking of pairing this Chilean sea bass with an aggressive Zinfandel!”—Frasier, Season 11, Episode 11, “High Holidays,” original air date Dec. 9, 2003, teleplay by Christopher Lloyd, directed by Sheldon Epps

TV Quote of the Day (‘Frasier,’ on His Youthful ‘Rug of Love’)

[Dr. Frasier Crane storms in with a copy of "Slow Tango in South Seattle."]

Frasier [played by Kelsey Grammer]: “I can't believe this!  I simply can't believe this!”

Martin Crane [played by John Mahoney]: “What are you bappin' about?”

Frasier: “This, this book!  It's written by a man I knew.  He's taken an incident from my own life, something I shared with him in confidence one night; he's turned it into this trash!"

Daphne Moon [played by Jane Leeves] [notices]: " ‘Slow Tango’? Well, I just started reading that. You mean to tell me that young man is based on you, Dr. Crane?”

Frasier: “Yes, he is.  But did Thomas Jay Fallow have the grace to thank me? No! My name isn't even listed in his acknowledgements.”

Martin: “What's it about anyway?”

Frasier: “That is not important.”

Daphne: “It's about his first time.”

Frasier [sarcastically]: “Thank you, Daphne.”

Niles Crane [played by David Hyde-Pierce]: [innocent] “Your first time doing what?”

Frasier: [sarcastically again] “Changing a flat tire!"

Niles: [realizes]: “Oh!”

Martin [chuckling]: “So this whole book is about the night you conceived Frederick.”

Frasier: “Very funny, dad.  I'll have you know that wasn't my first time.”

Martin: “Hey, I'm happy to know it wasn't your only time!”

Niles: “Just who was this charitable lass?”

Frasier: “That is not important!”

Daphne: “His piano teacher.”

Martin [startled.sitting up]: “His piano teacher?”

Frasier: “Thank you again, Daphne!”

Daphne: “It's not like it's a secret, it's all right there in black and white.  About your awkward ‘teenage lunging’ and how you used to call your chest hair your ‘Rug of Love.’"—Frasier, Season 2, Episode 1, “Slow Tango in South Seattle,” original air date Sept. 20, 1994, teleplay by Martin Weiss, directed by James Burrows