Joke of the Day (Wendy Liebman, on Dating a Doctor)

“I dated a doctor once. Ear, nose, throat and ankle. I didn’t know how to break up with him, so I just ate an apple a day.” —Stand-up comic Wendy Liebman quoted by Melonie Magruder, “Comedy Review,” The Los Angeles Times, Nov. 4, 2009

TV Quote of the Day (‘New Girl,’ As Jess Is Mistaken for a Blind Date)

Sam Sweeney [played by David Walton]: “Hi—are you Katie? I'm Sam from CupidMatch.”

Jess [played by Zooey Deschanel] [stunned at the sight of this handsome stranger]: “And I'm the girl from my dreams of you.”—New Girl, Season 2, Episode 2, “Katie,” original air date Sept. 25, 2012, teleplay by Elizabeth Meriwether, directed by Larry Charles

Quote of the Day (Hallie Cantor, on a New Kind of Dating App)

“Are you on that one where you put your name, age, credit-card number, whatever on your profile and it matches you with other users who have bought the same paper towels and other household goods? And then you get the paper towels, too. It’s sort of a dating app meets, well, a Web site where you buy paper towels. But you save money by getting them every week.”—Writer-comedian Hallie Cantor, “Shouts and Murmurs: Are You on the Apps?,” The New Yorker, Oct. 7, 2019

Movie Quote of the Day (‘Coneheads,’ in Which Alien Parental Units Wrestle With a Human Dilemma)

Prymatt Conehead [played by Jane Curtin] [hearing that her daughter’s porky teenage swain, Ronnie, was acting inappropriately on a date]: “He was behaving like a flarndip?”

Connie Conehead [played by Michelle Burke]: [Stopping her crying, in confusion]: “Flarndip?

Prymat: “A masher, a hustler, an uninvited grasper of cone.”

Beldar Conehead [played by Dan Aykroyd]: [Overhears this, erupting] “FLARNDIP?”— Coneheads (1993), screenplay by Tom Davis, Dan Aykroyd, Bonnie Turner and Terry Turner, directed by Steve Barron 

Somehow, for nearly three decades, this movie escaped my notice. Then this past Friday, while channel-surfing, I came upon it, at a point when I needed it most, and surrendered constantly to great, swelling belly laughs.

Quote of the Day (Roger Ebert, Reviewing ‘Valentine's Day’)

"Valentine's Day is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it's more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again."—Pulitzer Prize-winning film critic Roger Ebert (1942-2013), review of Valentine's Day, quoted in Brandon Specktor, “Thumbs Up: Roger Ebert’s Funniest Zingers,” www.rd.com (Web site for Reader’s Digest)

(The photo shows Evert at the time of the release of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls--a dubious film credit that, to his credit, he refused to disown.)

 

Joke of the Day (Brad Pitt, on His Recent Award-Show Dilemma)

"I wanted to bring my mom, but I couldn't, because anyone I stand next to they say I'm dating. It'd just be awkward."—Brad Pitt, in his acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actor at the Golden Globes Award, quoted in Emily Yahr, “A Love Affair With Brad Pitt,” The Washington Post, Feb. 6, 2020

This particular post—and especially the image accompanying it—is being offered as a public service for female readers of this blog, who for the past dozen years have had to make do with no examples of male eye candy. 

Today, your luck has finally changed.

You’re welcome.

Quote of the Day (Michael B. Jordan, on Where He Is Not ‘Mature and Advanced’)

“I'm very mature and advanced in a lot of areas of life. Dating may not be one of 'em.” —Actor Michael B. Jordan quoted in Allison P. Davis, “Is This Your King?” GQ, December 2018/January 2019 issue

(Photo of Michael B. Jordan taken of him speaking at the 2017 San Diego Comic Con International, for "Black Panther", at the San Diego Convention Center in San Diego, Calif., by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, July 27, 2017.)