“I have just called [opponent’s name] to thank him
for not winning tonight. Now the hard stuff truly begins. I must get to work on
an inaugural speech of soaring rhetoric with at least one killer line. Chief
Justice John Roberts must learn to administer the oath of office correctly. And
something must be done about the deficit…. And something must be done about
Syria. Also, there was something else. Oh, right — more drones must be launched
if America is to remain the scariest nation on earth. . . . .”—Christopher
Buckley, “An All-Purpose Election Night Acceptance Speech for Either
Candidate,” on “The One-Page Magazine,”
The New York Times Magazine, November
4, 2012
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