“Honestly, I really didn't know that I could make a
baby. So the fact that I can reproduce is very scary.”-- Nicole Polizzi (better
known as “Snooki” of Jersey Shore to
you and me), revealing her astonishment at being pregnant on her new show, Snooki and JWoww vs. The World, quoted
in Iona Kirby, “Snooki and JWoww Are Up to Their Old Tricks in First Trailer for Their New Spin-off Show,” The Daily Mail, April
26, 2012
Correction, Snooki: The fact that you could go
through middle and high school—including mandatory sex education—and not
realize that you “could make a baby” is scary. The fact that you are about to unleash
a young Snooki on the world that will carry your genes is scary.
The fact that you could conceivably bear multiple children is the stuff of horror
films. As for the fact that millions of people are still watching your
escapades (albeit on a new show with
friend JWoww), and that an institute of higher learning (Rutgers)
invited you to speak at its graduation—well, all that fresh evidence of
American fecklessness is more than my mind can contemplate.
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