TV Quote of the Day (‘Yes, Minister,’ on a Government Aide’s Job Function)

[A British Cabinet member is annoyed at an aide’s long-winded rambling.]

James Hacker, Minister [played by Paul Eddington, left]: “You're blathering, Bernard.”

Bernard Woolley, Principal Private Secretary [played by Derek Fowlds, right]: “Yes, Minister.”

Hacker: “Why are you blathering, Bernard?”

Bernard: “It's my job, Minister.”—Yes, Minister, Season 1, Episode 7, “Jobs for the Boys,” original air date Apr. 7, 1980, teleplay by Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn, directed by Sydney Lotterby

TV Quote of the Day (‘Yes, Minister,’ on Balancing Public and Private Interests)

[To save a financially troubled soccer club, James Hacker floats the idea of selling an unpopular local art gallery, the Corn Exchange Art Gallery, to private interests.]

Sir Humphrey Appleby [played by Nigel Hawthorne, facing camera]: “Now minister, I do hope that you've considered the implications of your new appointment on the subject you're discussing?”

James Hacker [played by Paul Eddington, shown from behind]: “Rescuing a football club?”

Sir Humphrey: “No, I was wondering how it would look if, as cabinet minister responsible for the arts, your first action would be to knock down an art gallery?” —Yes, Minister, Season 3, Episode 7, “The Middle-Class Rip-Off,” original air date Dec. 23, 1982, teleplay by Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn, directed by Peter Whitmore

More than 40 years ago, British TV audiences would have howled at the massive irony of the “first action” in the above quote. “Impossible!” they would have scoffed.

Today, across the ocean, more than a few Americans are wincing at a President who, without so much as a by-your-leave, has knocked down an entire wing of the White House. That even puts in the pale the same President’s appointment of himself to chair the board of the Kennedy Center.

TV Quote of the Day (‘Yes, Minister,’ With the Transatlantic ‘Golden Rule’ of Scandal Containment)

Bernard Woolley, the Minister’s principal private secretary [played by Derek Fowlds, left]: “So what do we believe in?”

Sir Humphrey Appleby, the Permanent Secretary for the Ministry of Administrative Affairs [played by Nigel Hawthorne, right]: “At this moment, Bernard, we believe in stopping the minister from informing the Prime Minister.”

Bernard: “But why?”

Sir Humphrey: “Because once the Prime Minister knows, there will have to be an enquiry, like Watergate. The investigation of a trivial break-in led to one ghastly revelation after another and finally the downfall of a president. The golden rule is don't lift lids off cans of worms. Everything is connected to everything else. Who said that?”

Bernard: “The Cabinet Secretary?”

Sir Humphrey: “Nearly right. Actually, it was Lenin.” —Yes, Minister, Season 3, Episode 6, “The Whisky Priest,” original air date Dec. 16, 1982, teleplay by Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn, directed by Peter Whitmore

These days, the Trump Administration is well past the “golden rule” propounded by Sir Humphrey, let alone Jesus Christ. As he looks around the fast-developing wreckage of the Epstein scandal, the President must wonder, “How did I ever get into this mess?”

So now, the Orange Menace is resorting to what may be thought of as his 3D Defense. You know: Deny, Distract, Delay, then repeat, till events break your way.

It’s worked before. Let’s see if the old Trump Voodoo gets him out of this latest doo-doo. With Congress closing sooner this week (courtesy of House Speaker Mike Johnson), anything can happen.

TV Quote of the Day (‘Yes, Minister,’ on ‘A Basic Rule of Government’)

Sir Humphrey Appleby [played by Nigel Hawthorne]: “A basic rule of government is never look into anything you don't have to and never set up an inquiry unless you know in advance what its findings will be.”—Yes, Minister, Season 3, Episode 6, “The Whisky Priest,” original air date Dec. 16, 1982, teleplay by Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn, directed by Peter Whitmore

TV Quote of the Day (‘Yes, Minister,’ on Public Subsidies for the Arts)

James Hacker [played by Paul Eddington, left]: “Why should the rest of the country subsidize the pleasures of the middle-class few? Theater, opera, ballet—subsidizing art in this country is nothing more than a middle-class rip-off!”

Sir Humphrey Appleby [played by Nigel Hawthorne, right]: “Oh, minister—how can you say such a thing? Subsidy is about education preserving the pinnacles of our civilization, or haven't you noticed?”

Hacker: Don't patronize me, Humphrey. I believe in education, too. I’m a graduate of the London School of Economics, may I remind you?”

Humphrey: “Well, I'm glad to learn that even the LSE is not totally opposed to education!”—Yes, Minister, Season 3, Episode 7, “The Middle-Class Rip-Off,” original air date Dec 23, 1982, teleplay by Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn, directed by Peter Whitmore

TV Quote of the Day (‘Yes, Minister,’ on How A Political Rival Succeeds)

[James Hacker is discussing a British cabinet rival with his wife Annie.]

James Hacker [played by Paul Eddington]: “Don't forget, there's Basil Corbett. He's still out to get me.”

Annie Hacker [played by Diana Hoddinott]: “Oh, he's out to get everyone.”

James: “He's a smooth-tongued, hardnosed, cold-eyed, two-faced creep.”

Annie: “Why is he so successful?”

James: “Because he's a smooth-tongued, hardnosed, cold-eyed, two-faced creep.” — Yes, Minister, Season 2, Episode 5, “The Devil You Know,” original air date Mar. 23, 1981, teleplay by Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn, directed by Peter Whitmore (uncredited)

TV Quote of the Day (‘Yes Minister,” on Politicians and Panic)

Sir Humphrey Appleby (played by Nigel Hawthorne, far left): “Politicians like to panic. They need activity--it’s their substitute for achievement.”—Yes Minister, Season 1, Episode 3, “The Economy Drive,” teleplay by Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn, directed by Sydney Lotterby (uncredited), air date March 10, 1980.

TV Quote of the Day (‘Yes Minister,’ on the Meaning of the ‘Official Reply’)

James Hacker, Minister of Administrative Affairs (played by Paul Eddington): “When am I going to do all this correspondence?”

Aide Bernard Woolley (played by Derek Fowlds): “You do realize you don't actually have to, Minister.”

Hacker: “Don't I?”

Woolley: “Not if you don't want to. We can draft an official reply.”

Hacker: “What's an official reply?”

Woolley: “It just says ‘The Minister has asked me to thank you for your letter’; then we say something like ‘The matter is under consideration,’ or even, if we feel so inclined, ‘under active consideration.”"

Hacker: “What's the difference?”

Woolley: “Well, 'under consideration' means we've lost the file; 'under active consideration' means we're trying to find it.”-- Yes Minister, Season 1, Episode 2, “The Official Visit,” original air date March 3, 1980, teleplay by Anthony Jay and Jonathan Lynn, produced by Sydney Lotterby