TV Quote of the Day (‘Jersey Shore’s’ Snooki, on Giving Birth)

“Honestly, I really didn't know that I could make a baby. So the fact that I can reproduce is very scary.”-- Nicole Polizzi (better known as “Snooki” of Jersey Shore to you and me), revealing her astonishment at being pregnant on her new show, Snooki and JWoww vs. The World, quoted in Iona Kirby, “Snooki and JWoww Are Up to Their Old Tricks in First Trailer for Their  New Spin-off Show,” The Daily Mail, April 26, 2012

Correction, Snooki: The fact that you could go through middle and high school—including mandatory sex education—and not realize that you “could make a baby” is scary. The fact that you are about to unleash a young Snooki on the world that will carry your genes is scary.

The fact that you could conceivably bear multiple children is the stuff of horror films. As for the fact that millions of people are still watching your escapades (albeit on a new show with friend JWoww), and that an institute of higher learning (Rutgers) invited you to speak at its graduation—well, all that fresh evidence of American fecklessness is more than my mind can contemplate.

Quote of the Day (Chelsea Handler, on “Jersey Shore”)

“The charming, sophisticated cast of ‘Jersey Shore’ is here. Don’t applaud. They’re the reason MTV doesn’t play your videos.”—Chelsea Handler, host of the 2010 Music Video Awards, September 12, 2010, quoted in “Lady Gaga Wins Big in MTV VMAs,” “Ozarks First,” September 14, 2010

Earlier this year, a friend (and he knows who he is!) objected to a post of mine about Jersey Shore. No, he didn’t complain about what I wrote, but about the image accompanying the post.

If I absolutely had to include a picture of a cast member, he said, why did it have to be “The Situation”? Why couldn’t it be of a woman on the show?

His wish is my command. After casting your eyes at this image, don’t you see how Jersey Shore’s Snookie (whom Cathy Horyn of The New York Times, in a most interesting comparison a few weeks ago, likened to the youthful Elizabeth Taylor) brings to mind an additional word besides “charming” and “sophisticated”: statuesque?

Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket!