Quote of the Day (Patricia Marx, Imagining a New Voice-Mail Message for the U.S. Government)

“You have reached the U.S. government. We are currently unable to answer your call, because everyone has been fired except Bob. If you would like to leave a message, listen carefully, as most of our menu options have been fed into the wood chipper. Please note that this call is being recorded so that we can use it against you.”—American humorist Patricia Marx, “Shouts and Murmurs: You Have Reached the U.S. Government,” The New Yorker, Mar. 3, 2025

Quote of the Day (Patricia Marx, on Confusing Cousin Relationships)

“Your first cousin's grandchild is your first cousin, twice removed. Your parent's first cousin's grandchild is your second cousin, once removed. You are not responsible for any relative more distantly related than that.”— American humorist and writer Patricia Marx, “A Spy Guide to Things That Are Confusing,” Spy Magazine, October 1986, retitled as “Things That Are Confusing” and reprinted in Mirth of a Nation: The Best Contemporary Humor, edited by Michael J. Rosen (2000)

Quote of the Day (Patricia Marx, Imagining a CEO Memo From the Last Recession)

“It has come to our attention that certain persons feel that executive-compensation packages have been unduly awarded. Management has zero tolerance for negativity. Moreover, now is not the time to play ‘the blame game.’ In days like these, we must tighten our belts and be team players. Note: Anyone who received a signing bonus will be required to return it, posthaste, with interest. In fairness, senior V.P.s were asked to give back the income from last year’s exercised options, but they concluded that the calculation would be difficult and onerous.”— American humorist Patricia Marx, “Shouts and Murmurs: Memo from the C.E.O.,” The New Yorker, Mar. 9, 2009