Quote of the Day (Mark Twain, on Dental Care in His Childhood)

"When teeth became touched with decay or were otherwise ailing, the doctor knew of but one thing to do—he fetched his tongs and dragged them out. If the jaw remained, it was not his fault."—American satirist Mark Twain (1835-1920), The Autobiography of Mark Twain (1907)

Quote of the Day (S.J. Perelman, on a Dental Visit, or ‘Cuspid's Last Stand’)

“For years I have let dentists ride roughshod over my teeth: I have been sawed, hacked, chopped, whittled, bewitched, bewildered, tattooed, and signed on again; but this is cuspid's last stand. They’ll never get me into that chair again. I’ll dispose of my teeth as I see fit, and after they’re gone, I’ll get along. I started off living on gruel, and, by God, I can always go back to it again.” — American humorist and screenwriter S.J. Perelman (1904-1979), “Nothing But The Tooth,” in The Best of S.J. Perelman (1947)

With dentists like the crew pictured, can you blame the poor man?

(The image accompanying this post shows Moe, Larry and Curly—i.e., The Three Stooges—in one of their shorts.)

Movie Quote of the Day (The Three Stooges, Demonstrating the Value of a Dental Visit)

Shemp (played by Shemp Howard): (to the patient) “Are you comfortable?”

Patient (played by Slim Gaut): (sitting up as Moe takes some dental equipment out of his mouth) “No!”

(Moe—played by Moe Howard--slams the patient back down.)

Moe: “Who asked ya?”— The Tooth Will Out (1951), written and directed by Edward Bernds

Photo of the Day: The Second-Best Reason to See My Dentist…

The best reason, of course, is to keep my teeth. But once you get past that, there’s Spencer, my dentist’s dog.

He has the run of his genial master’s office. I think you can see why. One look at those big, dark eyes, practically begging for his Hollywood closeup, and how could you refuse him?

The patients don’t mind, either. I know I didn’t the other day when he jumped into my lap, twice. The only reason why my dentist and his assistant took him away was that we all felt that both Spencer and I might toss around more than normal as I had a crown inserted into my mouth.

Somehow, though, these and other procedures feel a bit less painful with this affectionate pooch there to greet you at the office.

Quote of the Day (Robert Benchley, on Visiting the Dentist)

“The English language may hold a more disagreeable combination of words than ‘The doctor will see you now.’ I am willing to concede something to the phrase ‘Have you anything to say before the current is turned on?’ That may be worse for the moment, but it doesn't last so long. For continued, unmitigating depression, I know nothing to equal ‘The doctor will see you now.’ But I'm not narrow-minded about it. I'm willing to consider other possibilities.”—American humorist, critic and actor Robert Benchley (1889-1945), “The Tooth, The Whole Tooth, and Nothing But The Tooth,” in Love Conquers All (1922)

Forget it, Mr. Benchley—there are no other possibilities. 

Abandon hope—and that tooth—all ye who enter here.

Just think of it—87 years have elapsed since the incomparable Benchley penned these words, and over 30 since Laurence Olivier’s Nazi dentist (in the image accompanying this post) tortured poor Dustin Hoffman in Marathon Man. Dentists will tell you a veritable revolution has occurred in treatment over this time.

Still, I ask you, faithful reader: Didn’t you feel a shudder of recognition when reading this quote and seeing that photo?