TV Quote of the Day (Jerry Seinfeld, on Pain-Relieving Ingredients)

“Then they tell you about the pain-relieving ingredient. There's always gotta be a lotta that. Nobody wants anything less than 'extra-strength. 'Extra-strength' is the absolute minimum. You can’t even get 'strength.' Strength' is out now. It's all 'extra-strength.' Some people are not satisfied with 'extra,' they want 'maximum.’ Give me the 'maximum-strength.’ ‘Give me the maximum allowable human dosage.’ ‘Figure out what will kill me and then back it off a little bit.’"—Stand-up comedian and sitcom star Jerry Seinfeld, “Jerry Seinfeld: ‘I’m Telling You for the Last Time’”, original air date Aug. 9, 1998, written by Jerry Seinfeld, directed by Marty Callner

Happy 70^th birthday to Jerry Seinfeld!

TV Quote of the Day (‘Seinfeld,’ on Jerry Wearing ‘The Puffy Shirt’ to a Benefit for the Homeless)

[Though Kramer is ecstatic about Jerry’s new “pirate look,” Elaine bursts out laughing at the “Puffy Shirt,” and asks why he’s wearing it.]

Jerry [played by Jerry Seinfeld] [Furious at his predicament]: 'Why am I wearing this now?'? I'll tell you why I'm wearing it now—because [Kramer’s female friend] The Lowtalker asked me to, that's why! And I said 'yes.' Do you know why? Because I couldn't HEAR her!”

Elaine Benes [played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus]: “When did she, [snickering] when did she ask you this?”

Jerry: “When we were at dinner, when Kramer went to the bathroom.”

Elaine: “I didn't hear anything.”

Jerry (yelling): “Of course not! Nobody hears anything when this woman speaks!”

Elaine [Finally grasping the seriousness of the situation]: “Well, you can't wear that on the show!”

Kramer [played by Michael Richards] [Muffled, low, and threatening]: “Elaine, you want to stop?”

Elaine (Turning around to Kramer): “Wha- What? No. (Back to Jerry) Jerry, you are promoting a benefit to CLOTHE homeless people. You can't come out dressed like that! You're all puffed up! You look like the Count of Monte Cristo!”— Seinfeld, Season 5, Episode 2, “The Puffy Shirt,” original air date Sept. 23, 1993, teleplay by Larry David, directed by Tom Cherones 

Quote of the Day (Jerry Seinfeld, on Twitter, ‘A Horrible Performing Interface’)

“I don’t hear the laugh [on Twitter]. Why waste my time? It’s a horrible performing interface. I can’t think of a worse one. I always think about people that write books. What a horrible feeling it must be to have poured your soul into a book over a number of years and somebody comes up to you and goes, 'I loved your book,' and they walk away, and you have no idea what worked and what didn’t. That to me is hell. That’s my definition of hell." —Stand-up comedian and actor Jerry Seinfeld, quoted in Don Amira, “Talk: Jerry Seinfeld Says Jokes Are Not Real Life,” New York Times Magazine, Aug. 19, 2018

Hmm…Does this reflect his own experience with books, like Seinlanguage?

TV Quote of the Day (‘Seinfeld,’ on Men’s Viewing Habits)

“Men don't care what's on TV, men only care what else is on TV.”—Comedian Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 5, Episode 20, “The Fire,” original air date May 5, 1994, teleplay by Larry Charles, directed by Tom Cherones

Quote of the Day (Jerry Seinfeld, on Tipping)

"Comedy-wise, I really like tipping. I like the arguments. I like the weirdness. I like the whispering. There's no tipping without whispering. ‘How much should I give?’ It's always done like it's illegal for some reason. Like if you tip a car valet or a bellman, it all has to be done like we don't want to get caught.” — Comedian Jerry Seinfeld quoted in “Party Lines,” New York Magazine, Nov. 30-Dec. 13, 2015

TV Quote of the Day (‘Seinfeld,’ on ‘The True Spirit of Christmas’)

"Oh, volunteer work! See, that's what I like about the holiday season. That's the true spirit of Christmas. People being helped by people other than me. That makes me feel good inside."—Jerry (played by Jerry Seinfeld), in Seinfeld, Season 4, Episode 13, "The Pick," original air date Dec. 16, 1992, teleplay by Larry David and Marc Jaffe, directed by Tom Cherones

TV Quote of the Day (‘Seinfeld,’ on George, A Woman, and Horse Manure)

Jerry Seinfeld (played by Jerry Seinfeld): “Well,let me ask you this. What exactly did you say when you asked her out?

George Costanza (played by Jason Alexander):” I said, ‘would you like to go for a walk or something.’”

Jerry: “Oh, a walk, well –“

George: “Or something. I said, ‘Or Something!’”

Jerry: “Or something. Yeah, that's a date.”

George: (snaps fingers) “There you go.”

Jerry: “You know there is always the possibility, that she called an audible.”

George: “What do you mean?”

Jerry: “Well, she got up to the line of scrimmage, didn’t like the looks of the defense and changed the play.”

George: “I think things were going ok. We were having a nice conversation.”

Jerry: “Uh huh.”

George: “I mentioned how I liked horse manure.”

Jerry: “You did?”

George: “Yeah.”

Jerry: “Yeah. You said you liked horse manure.”

George: “Yeah. You know, about how when you break it down, it's really a very positive thing. You know, you have a ‘nure,’ with a ‘ma’ in front of it. MA-NURE. It's not bad.”

Jerry: “And it was around this point that she mentioned the boyfriend?”

George: “Yeah.” (Jerry nodding) ... “Oh, you think because of what I said about the manure. I was just saying how it takes a negative thing, and puts it on a positive spin on it.”

Jerry: “I’m just saying there's a chance she may not have been enamored with your thoughts and feelings on manure.”—Seinfeld, Season 6, Episode 7, “The Soup,” teleplay by Fred Stoller, directed by Andy Ackerman, original air date Nov. 10, 1994

TV Quote of the Day (‘Seinfeld,’ on Nose Jobs)

“The technical term for a nose job is rhinoplasty. Rhino, okay? Do we really need to insult the person at this particular moment of their lives? They know they have a big nose, that's why they're coming in. Do they really need the abuse of being compared to a rhinoceros on top of everything else? When someone goes in for a hair transplant, they don't go, ‘We're going to perform a cue-ballectomy on you, Mr. Johnson. We're going to attempt to remove the skinheadia of your chrome-domus which is the technical term.’"— Jerry on Seinfeld, Season 3, Episode 9, “The Nose Job,” original air date November 20, 1991, teleplay by Peter Mehlman, directed by Tom Cherones

Quote of the Day (Jerry Seinfeld, on ‘Setup Talk Shows’)

“These shows are promotional vehicles for the industry. They're not talk shows, per se, they're kind of setup talk shows. ‘I'm gonna ask you this, then you say that.’ The shows are pretty cheap, too, so until it becomes an unworkable business model, I don't think you'll see change. Same as the movie business. Until this thing implodes from within, which feels like it's not too far off.”-- Jerry Seinfeld, on the current state of talk shows, quoted in Lacey Rose, “Who Is the Head of NBC Now? Anybody?”, The Hollywood Reporter, September 6, 2013