Quote of the Day (Jason Roeder and Mike Sacks, With a ‘Realistic’ H.S. Yearbook Inscription)

“I'm the kid you'll see on CNN talking about changing the world and you'll think, Wait a minute, isn't that the same guy who threw up on his sneakers in Algebra II and then cried so hard his mother had to pick him up? That guy became successful?! —Ronnie.”— American humorists Jason Roeder and Mike Sacks, “Shouts and Murmurs: Realistic High-School-Yearbook Inscriptions,” The New Yorker, May 25, 2026

Movie Quote of the Day (‘Clueless,’ Comparing Two Forms of Futility)

Cher Horowitz [played by Alicia Silverstone]: “Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.”—Clueless (1995), written and directed by Amy Heckerling (1995)

Thirty years ago this month, Amy Heckerling’s loose contemporary version of Jane Austen’s novel Emma was released. It remains clever in its own right, well worth watching and re-watching (unlike, say, Pauly Shore movies). 

And, if it gets kids interested in reading Austen, as well as Hamlet (a play that Cher, astonishingly, knows well enough to identify the source of a famous quote), so much the better.

Movie Quote of the Day (‘Mean Girls,’ on a Member of One High School’s Elite)

“Janis Ian” [played by Lizzy Caplan]: “That little one, that's Gretchen Wieners.”

Damian [played by Daniel Franzese]: “She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels.”

Janis: “Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business—she knows everything about everyone.”

Damian: “That's why her hair is so big—it's full of secrets.”—Mean Girls (2004), screenplay by Rosalind Wiseman and Tina Fey, directed by Mark Waters

Quote of the Day (Donna Tartt, on Being a Freshman Cheerleader in Mississippi in 1984)

“The gymnasiums were high-ceilinged, barnlike, drafty, usually in the middle of some desolate field. We were always freezing in our skimpy plaid skirts, our legs all goose pimples as we clapped and stamped on the yellowed wooden floor. At halftime there were the detested stances, out in the middle of the court, which involved perilous leaps, and complex timing, and—more likely than not—tears and remonstrations in the changing rooms. As soon as they were over and the buzzer went off for the third quarter, the younger girls rushed in a greedy flock to the snack bar for Cokes and french fries, Hershey bars, scattering to devour them in privacy while Cindy and her crew slunk out to the parking lot to rendezvous with their boyfriends. We were all of us, all the time, constantly sick—coughing, blowing our noses, faces flushed with fever: symptoms that were exacerbated by bad food, cramped conditions, exhaustion, and yelling ourselves hoarse every night. Hoarseness was, in fact, a matter of pride: we were accused of shirking if our Voices Weren't Cracked by the end of the evening, the state to which we aspired being a rasping, laryngitic croak. I remember the only time the basketball coach—a gigantic, stone-faced, terrifying man who was also the principal of the school and who, to my way of thinking, held powers virtually of life or death (there were stories of his punching kids out, beating them till they had bruises, stories that perhaps were not apocryphal in a private school like my own, which prided itself on what it called ‘old-fashioned discipline’ and where corporal punishment was a matter of routine); the only time this coach ever spoke to me was to compliment me on my burned-out voice, which he overheard in the hall the morning after a game. ‘Good job,’ he said. My companions and I were dumbfounded with terror. After he was gone they stared at me with awestruck apprehension and then, one by one, drifted gently away, not wishing to be seen in the company of anyone who had attracted the attention—even momentarily—of this dangerous lunatic.”—Pulitzer Prize-winning American novelist Donna Tartt, on life as a freshman cheerleader in Mississippi in 1984, in “Basketball Season,” Harper’s, April 1994

(This photo of Donna Tartt was taken Oct. 21, 2015 by Antonio Monda.)

Quote of the Day (Colin Jost, on Bus Rides Home From NYC During High School)

“I was always on edge when I travelled home alone late at night. I was very conscious of never smiling, because I was afraid that if I smiled someone would punch me. I actively tried to look sad, and, in keeping with my slow-to-talk, living in-my-head approach to life, I would invent awful things that had happened to me to tell a robber so that he would feel guilty and then not rob me. Like, I expected a robber to say, ‘I’m so sorry, Colin. I was going to steal your ten dollars, but after hearing that your cat killed your sister I cannot in good conscience take your money. In fact, here’s five dollars from me. In memory of your sister, Noxzema.’”—Saturday Night Live writer and “Weekend Update” co-anchor Colin Jost, “Commuting,” The New Yorker, Mar. 16, 2020

(The accompanying photo of Colin Jost—cropped from another showing him with Michael Che—was taken at Citi Field, Oct. 12, 2015, by Arturo Pardavila III on Flickr.)

Quote of the Day (Frank McCourt, on His Students' Reaction to Required English Class Reading)

“Put everything away and open your books.

“What books?

“Whatever books you have for English.

“All we got is this Giants in the Earth and that's the most boring book in the world. And the whole class chants, Uh huh, boring, boring, boring.

“They tell me it's about some family from Europe out there on the prairie and everyone is depressed and talking about suicide and no one in the class can finish this book because it makes you want to commit suicide yourself. Why can't they read a nice romance where you don't have all these Europe people all gloomy on the prairie? Or why couldn’t they watch movies?”—Longtime Irish-born New York schoolteacher—and future Pulitzer Prize-winning memoirist—Frank McCourt (1930-2009), 'Tis: A Memoir (1999)

(The photo accompanying this post of Frank McCourt was taken by David Shankbone on March 21, 2007, at New York City's Housing Works bookstore, for a tribute to recently deceased Irish poet Benedict Keily. It comes from the photographer's blog post about the death of Frank McCourt and the memory of this photo.)

Movie Quote of the Day (‘Risky Business,’ With a Teen Summarizing His Unusual Dilemma)

“I got a trig midterm tomorrow and I'm being chased by Guido the Killer Pimp.”—High-school student Joel Goodson (played by Tom Cruise), Risky Business, written and directed by Paul Brickman (1983)

Quote of the Day (Hildegarde Dolson, on the Horror of Freshman Algebra)

“Due to the fact that I had such important things as Beauty Clay on my mind, it was understandable that my monthly marks in algebra should cause even more distress than usual in the bosom of my family. Each month, the high school honor roll, consisting of the names of the ten highest students in each class, was published in the Franklin News-Herald.... And each month, my own name was prominently absent. Appeals to my better nature, my pride, and the honor of the Dolsons did no good. I honestly meant well, and I even went so far as to carry books home from school and carry them back again the next morning. But freshman algebra, implying as it did that X equals Y, was simply beyond me.”—Essayist Hildegarde Dolson (1908-1981), We Shook the Family Tree (1941)

Quote of the Day (David Spade, on His College Aspirations and Reality)

“In my junior year, I told my counselor I wanted to go to Princeton or maybe UC Santa Barbara. She goes, ‘If I pull all my strings, I can get you into the community college across the street.’”—Comedian, actor, and TV-show host David Spade, on being a high-school underachiever, interviewed by Marc Myers for “Snide Remarks Made Him Cool in School,” The Wall Street  Journal, Sept. 13, 2019

(Picture of David Spade taken Nov. 19, 2016, from a YouTube video, by thepaparazzigamer.)

Quote of the Day (Fran Lebowitz, Reassuring High-School Seniors in the Home Stretch)

“Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.”—American humorist Fran Lebowitz, "Tips for Teens," in Social Studies (1981)