Joke of the Day (Emo Phillips, on Him and Technology)

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”—American stand-up comic and actor Emo Phillips in “Quotes on Technology,” Reader’s Digest, June 2009

Maybe true back in 2009. But if the edge lords of today’s tech world have anything to say in the matter (and they will, they will), you can bet that they’ll be crowing about the athletic ability of their latest AI-driven projects before long—even promoting a Computer Olympics.

(The image accompanying this post, of Emo Phillips opening for Weird Al Yankovic at the Apollo Theater, was taken on Mar. 22, 2018, by slgckgc.)

Quote of the Day (Jay Katsir, Imagining a Notice to a Data-Breach Victim)

“Dear Data-Breach Victim: By now you are aware that you are the victim of a data breach. You assumed as much, because the only mail you receive amounts to notices of data breaches, medical bills, and solicitations to donate to a good cause (maybe with a little graphic of a snowflake or a hopeful puppy or a gallbladder around the address window), whose senders will eventually contact you about a data breach. Your mail also sometimes contains postcards from your mother, who is certainly the victim of a data breach. She probably just gave her data away after clicking on a sponsored Google result that said ‘Real Rapid Passport Renewal Easy Online.’”— Late Show head writer-producer Jay Katsir, “Shouts and Murmurs: Notice of Security Incident,” The New Yorker, June 3, 2024

Quote of the Day (Bruce Schneier, on How ‘Everything is Turning Into a Computer’)

“Just like that, everything is turning into a computer….Your phone is a computer that makes calls. Your car is a computer with wheels and an engine. Your oven is a computer that bakes lasagnas. Your camera is a computer that takes pictures. Even our pets and livestock are now regularly chipped; my cat is practically a computer that sleeps in the sun all day.”— American cryptographer, computer security professional, and privacy specialist Bruce Schneier, Data and Goliath: The Hidden Battles to Collect Your Data and ControlYour World (2015)

What’s your cat’s name, Bruce? HAL?

Quote of the Day (Dave Barry, With the Ultimate Definition of ‘User’)

“USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot.'"—Humorist Dave Barry, “Laugh Lines: What the Tech?” Reader’s Digest, January 2014

Quote of the Day (TV writer Aaron Fullerton, on a Computer Feature He Actually Likes)

“I'd like the window that says ‘Are you sure you want to do this? OK/Cancel’ to pop up less often on my computer and more in my real life.”—TV writer Aaron Fullerton, September 18, 2013 tweet

Quote of the Day (Comic Emo Phillips, on His Bouts With a Computer)

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.”—Stand-up comic Emo Phillips, quoted in “Laugh Lines: What the Tech?” Reader’s Digest, January 2014.

Quote of the Day (Apple’s ‘Woz,’ on Being ‘One of the Fun-Loving People’)

“I just wanted to be one of the fun-loving people. [Partner] Steve [Jobs] instantly wanted to be a big, successful businessman and all that. I didn’t want the press to ever talk to me. I didn’t want people to ever ask for an autograph. I couldn’t understand why they did. I don’t even want any notoriety for bringing the world personal computers and all that. I just wanted to be known as a great engineer that connected chips with wires better than anybody else.”--Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, quoted in Jada Yuan, “177 Minutes With Steve Wozniak: An iChat With the Man Who Made Apple Apple,” New York Magazine, August 19-26, 2013

(June 2005 photo of Steve Wozniak, from his homepage, was taken by Al Luckow.)

Quote of the Day (Scott Adams, on How Real-Life Business Surpasses 'Dilbert')

"No matter how absurd I try to make the comic strip I can’t stay ahead of what people are actually experiencing in their own workplaces….A company purchased laptop computers for employees to use while traveling. Fearing they might be stolen, the managers came up with a clever solution: permanently attach the laptop computers to the employees' desks."—Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle: A Cubicle's-Eye View of Bosses, Meetings, Management Fads and Other Workplace Afflictions (1996)