“Although I live in the middle of a very large city,
I am awakened every morning by a low gurgling sound which turns out to be the
result of one, two, or three pigeons walking in at my window and sneering at
me. Granted that I am a fit subject for sneering as I lie there, possibly with
one shoe on or an unattractive expression on my face, but there is something
more than just a passing criticism in these birds making remarks about me. They
have some ugly scheme on foot against me, and I know it. Sooner or later it
will come out, and then I can sue.”—American humorist and film actor Robert
Benchley (1889-1945), “Down with Pigeons,” in The Best of Robert Benchley (1983)
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