Friday, June 7, 2013

TV Quote of the Day (‘Seinfeld,’ on How ‘The Maestro’ Led Kramer Astray)

Jackie Chiles (played by Phil Morris) (furious, to client Kramer, in the back seat of a cab) “You put the balm on? Who told you to put the balm on? I didn't tell you to put the balm on!!! Why'd you put the balm on? You haven't even been to see the doctor. If you’re gonna put a balm on, let a doctor put a balm on!”

Kramer (played by Michael Richards): “I guess I screwed up, huh, Jackie?”

Jackie: “You’re damn right you screwed up! Where the hell did you get that damn balm, anyway?”

Kramer: “The Maestro.”

Jackie: “The who? What are you talking about, ‘Maestro’?”

Kramer: “My friend--he's a conductor.”

Jackie: “Oh oh oh--so a Maestro tells you to put a balm on and you do it?”

Kramer: “Well, my stomach was burning.”

Jackie: “I tell you what this is: This is a public humiliation!!!”

Kramer: “Well, I didn't know the balm was gonna work.”

Jackie: “Do you know what a balm is? Have you ever seen a balm? Didn't you read the instructions?"

Kramer: “Well I ...”

Jackie (interrupting): “No one can tell what a balm's gonna do! They're unpredictable.”

Kramer: “I'm sorry, Jackie.”

Jackie (To cab driver) “Pull over here, driver, this is it!”--Seinfeld, Season 7, Episode 3: "The Maestro,” original air date October 5, 1995, teleplay by Larry David, directed by Andy Ackerman

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