Jackie
Chiles (played by
Phil Morris) (furious, to client
Kramer, in the back seat of a cab) “You put the balm on? Who told you to
put the balm on? I didn't tell you to
put the balm on!!! Why'd you put the balm on? You haven't even been to see the doctor.
If you’re gonna put a balm on, let a doctor put a balm on!”
Kramer
(played by Michael Richards): “I
guess I screwed up, huh, Jackie?”
Jackie: “You’re
damn right you screwed up! Where the hell did you get that damn balm, anyway?”
Kramer: “The Maestro.”
Jackie: “The who? What are you talking about, ‘Maestro’?”
Kramer: “My friend--he's a conductor.”
Jackie: “Oh oh oh--so a Maestro tells you to put a balm on and you do it?”
Kramer: “Well, my stomach was burning.”
Jackie: “I tell you what this is: This is a public humiliation!!!”
Kramer: “Well, I didn't know the balm was gonna work.”
Jackie: “Do you know what a balm is? Have you ever seen a balm? Didn't you read the instructions?"
Kramer: “Well I ...”
Jackie (interrupting): “No one can tell what a balm's gonna do! They're unpredictable.”
Kramer: “I'm sorry, Jackie.”
Jackie (To cab driver) “Pull over here, driver, this is it!”--Seinfeld, Season 7, Episode 3: "The Maestro,” original air date October 5, 1995, teleplay by Larry David, directed by Andy Ackerman
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