TV Quote of the Day (Mitch Hedberg, on Turtlenecks)

“I hate turtlenecks, man. A turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy… All day.”—Stand-up comic Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005), appearance on Late Show With David Letterman, original air date Mar. 7, 1997

Joke of the Day (Mitch Hedberg, on What a Duck Thinks of Him)

“I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.” —Stand-up comic Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005), Just For Laughs: On The Edge (2002)

Quote of the Day (Mitch Hedberg, on a Map in His House)

“I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down." -- Mitch Hedberg, comedian