Showing posts with label Jack Benny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jack Benny. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

TV Quote of the Day (‘The Jack Benny Program,’ As Jack Demands Top Service for His Money)

Jack Benny: “I’ll have a haircut.”

Harry, the Barber [played by Richard Deacon]: “Will you roll up your sleeves, please?”

Jack: “What? Roll up my sleeves for a haircut?”

Harry: “Don’t you want your Novocaine?”

Jack: “Don’t be so funny! Just give me a haircut.”

Harry: “Yes, sir.”

Jack [calling for the owner]: “Andre?”

Andre [played by Rolfe Sedan]: “Yes, Mr. Benny?”

Jack: “While I’m having a haircut, I’ll have a manicure, too.”

Andre: “A manicure? Certainly. I’ll get one of the girls.”

[Andre asks the trio of women in the shop, each of whom refuses.]

Andre [pleadingly]: “Now, girls, you’ve got to help me through this. Who took care of him last time?”

Helen: “I did. For a dollar and a half, I worked on his nails for an hour.”

Andre: “An hour for a manicure? Why so long?”

Helen: “When I got through with his nails, he took off his shoes.”— The Jack Benny Program, Season 11, Episode 4, “Jack’s Hong Kong Suit,” original air date Nov. 6, 1960, teleplay by Sam Perrin, George Balzer, Al Gordon, and Hal Goldman, directed by Frederick De Cordova

Monday, January 25, 2021

TV Quote of the Day (Jack Benny, on the Impact of Glasses)

Jack Benny [admiring a photo]: “What a dollface! Such a beautiful complexion, lovely lips, sparkling eyes...”

Rochester Van Jones [played by Eddie “Rochester” Anderson]: “Yeah, boss. That's the best picture you ever had taken.”

Jack: “I'm looking at Miss Livingston, for heaven sake! How could I say that about my picture?”

Rochester: “Without your glasses on, you could say that about a garbage truck.”— The Jack Benny Program, Season 4, Episode 8, “Jack Dreams He's Married to Mary,” original air date Feb. 7, 1954, teleplay by Sam Perrin, George Balzer, Milt Josefsberg, and John Tackaberry, directed by Ralph Levy

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Quote of the Day (Stephen Leacock, on Being a Humorist AND Economist)



“Many of my friends are under the impression that I write these humorous nothings in idle moments when the wearied brain is unable to perform the serious labours of the economist. My own experience is exactly the other way. The writing of solid, instructive stuff fortified by facts and figures is easy enough. There is no trouble in writing a scientific treatise on the folk-lore of Central China, or a statistical enquiry into the declining population of Prince Edward Island. But to write something out of one's own mind, worth reading for its own sake, is an arduous contrivance only to be achieved in fortunate moments, few and far between. Personally, I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopaedia Britannica.”— Stephen Leacock, Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town (1912)

How many people can say that they wrote both a standard text in political economy and some of the bestselling humor books of their time? Stephen Leacock—born on this date in 1869 in Swanmore, Hampshire, England—could. 

“My parents migrated to Canada in 1876, and I decided to go with them,” he recalled with tongue in cheek of the trip that took him across the Atlantic at age seven—and would, in time, make him the most beloved humorist—and, as an economist, one of the most influential intellectuals—of his adopted country.

Today, Leacock is not as widely known in the United States as he was during his lifetime—something that surprised comedian Jack Benny, who was introduced to his writing by fellow vaudevillian Groucho Marx.

Nevertheless, Leacock remains a beloved figure in Canada, and he became a major influence on another American humorist besides Benny and Marx: Robert Benchley, whom he persuaded to compile his early writing into a book.

An example of Leacock’s wry wit can be found in this prior “Quote of the Day.”

Friday, June 26, 2009

This Day in Broadcast History (Fred Allen Airs Last Radio Show)


June 26, 1949—The final episode of Fred Allen’s radio show did more than bring to an end 17 years of the career of one of the broadcast medium’s most popular—and, among his peers, most admired—figures. It also served as an object lesson in how fickle the American public can be when a new technology replaces an old one.

Only 26 months before, Allen had reached the height of his career by landing on the cover of Time Magazine, which celebrated the nasal-voiced comedian’s achievement in producing a remarkably literate entertainment that had captured the allegiance of hundreds of thousands. Only a year later, his show had fallen to only 28th place—and, with television no longer an upstart technology, but an increasingly established one, the possibility loomed that there would be no end to his fall.

Allen’s last show featured the comic who figured in a fake feud that fueled the ratings of both men—Jack Benny. Unlike his good friend, Benny would go on to forge a new career for himself on television that would equal and even surpass what he had achieved on radio.

Last year, I commented briefly on Allen in the context of his quip about Ed Sullivan. I think he warrants far more extended treatment than that, however. In a short space such as this, I still can’t do him justice, so for now I think I’ll just confine myself to aspects of his life and career that appeal to me:

* His first major job growing up was working in a library—the Boston Free Library, as a matter of fact. His father, a bookbinder, had gotten him the position. It served as a launching-pad in his show business career for two reasons: a) he had access to all the books this highly intelligent, studious, and curious mind could want, and b) one of those books, on juggling, enabled him to enter the library’s amateur night show, and start his career in the entertainment industry.


* A talented performer, he was far less staff-dependent than other stars, before or since. True, Allen did hire people like future novelist Herman Wouk to work for him. But they functioned more as sources of raw material than as people who did most of the work. Ninety percent of the show’s writing derived from Allen himself, either writing or rewriting.


* He took on the censors from the beginning. Few performers have fought them week after week with his tenacity. They dogged him virtually from the moment he stepped in front of the microphone, objecting even to innocuous routines such as this: “My sister married an Irishman”—“Oh, really?”—“No, O’Reilly.” In turn, he skewered the advertising and network suits every chance he could.


* He was a truly decent human being, with a kindness to match his intelligence. After his death, Wouk hailed him in this manner: “His generosity to the needy, his extraordinary loyalty to his associates (in a field not noted for long loyalties) showed the warmth of heart that made his satire sound and important.”


* He was devoted to his wife. Like Benny, Allen put his wife, Portland, on the show. When advertisers claimed that their testing of audiences showed that the show would be better off without her, he refused to budge, saying that he would only stay on if she did. It was said that the two things he lived for were the show and her. He never drove, so one of the more common entertainer sightings in Manhattan was of Allen and his wife walking arm-in-arm from their hotel suite. On one of the few times he didn’t do so, on St. Patrick’s Day in 1956, he suffered a heart attack and died. If he’d had the chance to comment on it before he died, I’m sure he would have noted that it served him right. A product of a broken home himself, he made sure that he would break that pattern in his own adulthood.