Quote of the Day (Megan Amran, Imagining What Astronauts Might Find on Planet 'XJ9358')

“Dec. 16. We now understand why, throughout our history, we received no transmission from this planet: the inhabitants were extremely unsophisticated. They utilized fossil fuels and nuclear power, but wasted their solar energy and failed to employ methane dams to capture the nearly infinite power potential of flatulence. They apparently let the precious gases just dissipate into the air! Furthermore, they appeared to have many different languages and alphabets. The one in our current location uses twenty-six letters, except in a mysterious temple labelled ‘IKEA,’ where some of the letters have dots over them.”— American comedy writer, producer, and performer Megan Amran, “Shouts and Murmurs: Captain’s Log,” The New Yorker, Apr. 30, 2018

Joke of the Day (Todd “Papi” Carlos, on IKEA and LEGO)

“If IKEA and LEGO combined forces our children could make our furniture.” —@TheToddWilliams (Todd “Papi” Carlos), tweet of Feb. 3, 2016

Bonus Quote of the Day (Comic Ari Teman, on What IKEA Is Good For)

“IKEA is a good place to pick up a girl who's not looking for something permanent.” —Comic Ari Teman, tweet of March 17, 2014