Quote of the Day (Humorist Andy Borowitz, on a More Likely New Conspiracy Theory)

“WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Conspiracy theorists believe that the Republican Party did not die from natural causes but was instead the target of an elaborately planned killing, a leading conspiracy theorist has confirmed….

“ ‘Because the Republican Party is one hundred and sixty-one years old, it’s assumed that it was time for it to die,’ he [conspiracy theorist ‘Harland Dorrinson’] said. “The truth is, that’s exactly what the people who killed it want us to think.’”— Andy Borowitz, “Conspiracy Theorists Say Republican Party Did Not Die from Natural Causes,” TheNewYorker.com, Feb. 18, 2016

Quote of the Day (Andy Borowitz, on the Petraeus Affair)

“WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In response to a high volume of panicked phone calls from the general public, the C.I.A. has published a new informational brochure entitled ‘How to Tell if You’re Involved in the Petraeus Scandal.’ The C.I.A. rushed to produce the brochure after it became clear that as many as one in three Americans may have some involvement in the Petraeus affair.”—Andy Borowitz, “How to Tell If You’re Involved in the Petraeus Scandal,” The New Yorker (online blog), November 13, 2012

Maybe, by the time this is over, All In will have a double meaning. (Oh, I guess we're past that now. Make that a triple meaning.)

Quote of the Day (Andy Borowitz, on Twofacebook)

“I’ve invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends with the entire world and defriend people one by one.”—Humorist Andy Borowitz, on Twitter, February 5, 2012

Quote of the Decade (Andy Borowitz, Summing Up 10 Years in Initials)

“This decade went from Y2K to WTF. I think those are the bookends.”—Humorist Andy Borowitz on the Leonard Lopate Show, WNYC-FM, December 30, 2009

Hasta la vista, ‘00s! Happy New Year, faithful readers!