Alphonse [played by
Kenan Thompson]: “It’s wonderful. Nothing makes me prouder than young
people using their voices to fight for what they believe in.”
Host Ryan Abernathy
[played by Michael Longfellow]: “Wow, that’s very encouraging. Alfonse,
your daughter must feel so supported when she’s out there.”
Alphonse Roberts: “What’s
that, now? When whose daughter is out there?”
Abernathy: “At
the protest.”
Alphonse: “No,
no, no, man. You buggin! Alexis Vanessa Roberts better have her butt in class.
Let me find out she’s in one of them damn tents instead of the dorm room I pay
for.”
Doug Hoving [played
by Mikey Day]: “I thought you were in favor of the student protests.”
Alphonse: “Brother
man, I am supportive of y’all’s kids protesting, not my kids. Shoot!
Alexis Vanessa ain’t crazy.”
Abernathy: “Your
daughter attends Columbia. What do you think of the students who took over
Hamilton Hall?”
Alphonse: “That’s
good for y’all’s kids, but they ain’t mine. You feel me, Ryan?”
Abernathy: “Yes,
I feel you, Alphonse. But tell me, with the rise in attendance in this protest,
how does it make you feel about the police presence?”
Sarah Himes [played
by Mikey Day]: “One of my worst fears is my daughter getting thrown behind
bars.”
Alphonse: “I
ain’t worried about Five-O—that is not my business. My business is Alexis
Vanessa Roberts. OK? She ain’t talking about no free this, free that, because I
tell you what ain’t free: Columbia. Do you all know that they got the nerve to
want $68,000 a year?”—Saturday Night Live, Season 49, Episode 18, “Cold Open” segment, original air date May 4, 2024, directed by Greg Scarnici
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