Frank Cross
[played by Bill Murray]: “No, I don't have those... no.”
Preston: “Twenty-seven
million. Do you know how many dogs?”
Frank: “In America?”
Preston: “Forty-eight
million. We spend four billion dollars on pet food alone. Now I have here a
study from Hampstead University which shows us that cats and dogs are beginning
to watch television. Now if these scientists are right, we should start
programming right now. Within twenty years they could become steady viewers.”
Frank [trying
to hide his incredulity]: “Programming? For cats?”
Preston: “Walk with me,
Frank.”
Frank [Whispering to
his secretary, Grace, as they leave the office]: “Call the police!”
Preston: “Now I'm not
saying build a whole show around animals. All I'm suggesting is that we
occasionally throw in a little pet appeal. Some birds, a squirrel...”
Frank: “Mice.”
Preston: “...mice!
Exactly. You remember Kojak and the lollipops? What about a cop that dangles
string as his gimmick? Lots of quick random actions. Frank, wasn't there a
doormouse in Scrooge?”
Frank: “No, but now
that you say it... I always felt that it needed a doormouse.”
Preston: “Doormice.
Better.”
Frank: “Bingo.”— Scrooged
(1988), screenplay by Mitch Glazer and Michael O'Donoghue, directed by
Richard Donner
Many years ago, when I rented this holiday flick on
video, its jokes fell flat for me. Maybe I’ve grown more cynical with age, but
when I watched this update on A Christmas Carol again on cable TV this
week, I thought that it lost its energy about halfway through, but it hit its
satirical targets far more often at the beginning.
This scene especially scored. (I have no idea how
Mitchum and Murray managed to keep straight faces as they filmed this.) In
fact, I think even more people can relate to it now. (While revenues for pet
services—i.e., visits to the vet—have been challenged during the pandemic, pet
food sales have continued to hold on, at least till recently—especially online
pet sales.)
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