TV Dialogue of the Day (“Frasier,” on Proper Pet Training)

Dr. Lilith Sternin (played by Bebe Neuwirth): (to Eddie the dog, sternly--or, perhaps better to say, Sternin-ly) “Go away!” (Eddie runs off)

Dr. Frasier Crane (played by Kelsey Grammer): “Now why does he listen to you and not to me?”

Lilith: “By my tone of voice. He knows I mean business.”

Frasier: “I see, so you're saying your voice is more commanding than mine.”

Martin (played by John Mahoney): “Hell, I took half a step before I realized she was talking to the dog!”—“The Show Where Lilith Comes Back,” Frasier, Season 1, Episode 16, written by David Isaacs and Ken Levine, directed by James Burrows, air date Feb. 3, 1994

TV Dialogue of the Day (Ralph and Alice Kramden on a Fringe Benefit of Lodge Membership)

Ralph Kramden (played by The Great One, Jackie Gleason): "Alice, don't you realize that if I'm elected Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of the Raccoon Lodge, you and I get free burial at the Raccoon Cemetery in Bismarck, North Dakota?"
Alice Kramden (played by Audrey Meadows): "Gee Ralph, I'm so excited, I don't know whether to live or die."—The Honeymooners

(Thanks to my friend Jim for the suggestion.)

TV Dialogue of the Day ("Get Smart")

Maxwell Smart: “Tell me, Hurrah. What made you decide to join KAOS?”
Otto Hurrah: “I am a creative producer and director bursting with new concepts. I was wasted in the movie business. KAOS had an opening for a Mastermind so I took it. Besides, my Agent recommended it.”
Max: “But KAOS is vicious, evil, and rotten.”
Otto Hurrah: “So is my Agent!”—Hollywood mogul Hurrah explains to clueless agent Maxwell Smart how he became an evildoer, in “A Man Called Smart,” in Season 2 of Get Smart
(Let’s see how the Steve Carell-Anne Hathaway film premiering in June measures up to the 1965-70 Mel Brooks sitcom—which, incidentally, has been recently released on DVD).