TV Quote of the Day (‘SNL,’ on the Recent Student Protests)

[Three concerned parents are featured on a “NY1” segment about students participating in protests about the Gaza war.]

Alphonse [played by Kenan Thompson]: “It’s wonderful. Nothing makes me prouder than young people using their voices to fight for what they believe in.”

Host Ryan Abernathy [played by Michael Longfellow]: “Wow, that’s very encouraging. Alfonse, your daughter must feel so supported when she’s out there.”

Alphonse Roberts: “What’s that, now? When whose daughter is out there?”

Abernathy: “At the protest.”

Alphonse: “No, no, no, man. You buggin! Alexis Vanessa Roberts better have her butt in class. Let me find out she’s in one of them damn tents instead of the dorm room I pay for.”

Doug Hoving [played by Mikey Day]: “I thought you were in favor of the student protests.”

Alphonse: “Brother man, I am supportive of y’all’s kids protesting, not my kids. Shoot! Alexis Vanessa ain’t crazy.”

Abernathy: “Your daughter attends Columbia. What do you think of the students who took over Hamilton Hall?”

Alphonse: “That’s good for y’all’s kids, but they ain’t mine. You feel me, Ryan?”

Abernathy: “Yes, I feel you, Alphonse. But tell me, with the rise in attendance in this protest, how does it make you feel about the police presence?”

Sarah Himes [played by Mikey Day]: “One of my worst fears is my daughter getting thrown behind bars.”

Alphonse: “I ain’t worried about Five-O—that is not my business. My business is Alexis Vanessa Roberts. OK? She ain’t talking about no free this, free that, because I tell you what ain’t free: Columbia. Do you all know that they got the nerve to want $68,000 a year?”—Saturday Night Live, Season 49, Episode 18, “Cold Open” segment, original air date May 4, 2024, directed by Greg Scarnici