“ME: Hi, Dr. Albert.
MARV ALBERT: A playoff atmosphere in here tonight!
ME: Well, it’s been a tough week. My mother came to
visit me.
MARV ALBERT: From downtown!
ME: And, of course, she immediately asked if I was
still sleeping with Sarah.
MARV ALBERT: Out of bounds!
ME: Exactly. It’s not her business.
MARV ALBERT: Unbelievable!
ME: And Sarah won’t even return my calls.
MARV ALBERT: Rejected!
ME: I called her, like, twelve times last night.
MARV ALBERT: A dozen! Unanswered!
ME: I don’t know why I’m surprised. We haven’t been
intimate in months.
MARV ALBERT: Stuck outside the perimeter!”—Jesse
Eisenberg, “Shouts and Murmurs: Marv Albert Is My Therapist,” The New
Yorker, March 18, 2013
It seems that, over the last 24 hours, “Dr. Albert”
must have widened his practice from mere mortals (or as close to mere mortals
as someone like Jesse Eisenberg gets) to the New York Knicks themselves. To
their question—“Do you think we’ll ever score again?”—the resounding answer
must have been “YES!!!!,” judging by the 85-75 thumping of the Pacers last
night.
We’ll see if the revival continues—or if “That’s the
ballgame!”
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