TV Dialogue of the Day (Ralph and Alice Kramden on a Fringe Benefit of Lodge Membership)

Ralph Kramden (played by The Great One, Jackie Gleason): "Alice, don't you realize that if I'm elected Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of the Raccoon Lodge, you and I get free burial at the Raccoon Cemetery in Bismarck, North Dakota?"
Alice Kramden (played by Audrey Meadows): "Gee Ralph, I'm so excited, I don't know whether to live or die."—The Honeymooners

(Thanks to my friend Jim for the suggestion.)